friends w/ benefits question
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| Mon, 05-01-2006 - 6:05pm |
I know no one can really tell me this and I have to figure it out with him by myself but I'm just curious about other peoples perception and experiances.
There are 2 guys (not at the same time) that I've had friends with benefits with. One was last summer and fall and the other is right now. The one last summer/fall is still a very close and dear friend who I saw today and who is trying in his own way to help cause he doesn't want to see me hurt again like I was with him.
I've been friends with the new guy a few months and it started out over the internet. Talking on MSN mostly. Let me say that I'm 25 going to be 26 and he's 31 going to be 32 so there is almost 5 1/2 years difference. We talked about being friends and sex and friends with benefits and both said we were interested. He admitted he'd like to meet me and I admitted the same. So we went for a coffee and a drive and just talked. At the end of the evening he asked me how I felt it went. I said great and that I felt totally comfertable the whole night. I was unsure what to say "now" tho. He says "lets break the ice" or something like that and then kisses me.
2 days later we go out again and we have a good time and see a movie. We cuddled and held hands through the whole movie and he kissed me again at the end. We talked the whole next week on MSN and then a week later went out again. This time for another drive and we eneded up parking and fooling around some. But not gaing all the way. We also taked before and after this happened about lots of things. Conversation with him in person is very easy going.
This went of for a few weeks getting together about once a week and doing something then going for a drive and "parking". Both of us live at home so getting privacy to do anything at either one of our places just doesn't happen.
The sex is really great and I love being around him and he seems to like being around me. And he's a pretty good friend. The other night we were going to go to a movie and I was sick but decided to go anyways. I got almost to his place. Probably 10 minutes (driving) away when the car broke down. I called him to let him know and he said to call him back after I made arangements with the vehicle. In the end my father ended up coming to fix it but since it was about 6 when it broke down and about 9:30 before my dad would be there and I couldn't go back home (to far away) I called him back to tell him and he told me to take a bus and he'd meet me and we'd go to his place for a few hours. It was hot, sunny, and I had an ear infection and chest cold. By the time I got to the bus stop I was feeling rather sick and dizzy. We got to his place and he layed me down on the couch in his room. Grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around me and held me and we watched tv.
I started to fall asleep at one point and I kinda slid down some and he repositioned be so I was laying with my head in his lap and face turned towards him and he just rubbed my head and let me sleep a while. I woke up a bit later and he asked how I felt. I had a terrible caugh and he just rubbed my back under my shirt when I caughed and couldn't catch my breath. I don't know why but I think I feel for him right then and there.
No one has ever been that kind to me. Other then my other friend that I had from the summer and fall (who used to give me massages and stuff to help with my arthritis). A couple of times during that night while I was semi asleep he'd rub my head or the side of my face and kiss me lightly on my head and face. And he was so gentle and caring.
I just wonder if maybe he feels more... and is scared to say it. I've tried to let him know how I feel without saying the words just in case he doesn't agree. My other friend and I talked openly about it. And he kept telling me he had no feelings for me other then as a friend he cared a lot about. But this guy is different. And it's confusing me. I'm not sure what to do...

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Dear storybutagirl06,
OK, so your guy is sweet, attractive, sends mixed signals, and wants FWB. The only question you need to know the answer to is whether you can accept the limitations.
I post alot on Mars Venus board, and the issue of FWB is a frequent topic. I can tell you from the women there and from my own personal experience trying FWB, it usually doesn't work. Women produce oxytocin from intimacy, and it has the affect of profoundly bonding them to the men with whom they are intimate.
Eventually, she wants a deeper emotional connection with him, he doesn't, result: pain and resentment and a seeming inability to break the FWB cycle, until, finally the man tires of her, and she's lost in despair until she wises up and heals.
As mama used to say, "the cow, the milk, for free, why buy?"
beyondmeasure
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