Giving up to soon?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2005
Giving up to soon?
5
Sun, 12-04-2005 - 9:15pm

Hi everyone. Need some advice. I've been reading your messages and getting good pointers. Here is my dilemma:

I am in a four month relationship. He's 41,I'm 34. We met online and we were intimate on the first date. I know, I thought it was doomed. I was angry at myselft that I might have ruined a potential good thing. But, he surprised me. He stayed the whole weekend and has been staying with me every weekend since then. He has good qualities that I am looking for in a long term relationship. He is affectionate, goes with me to church and great with my two pups. I've even met his parents, which went well.

The problem is that I feel that I don't exist during the week. He lives 45 minutes away from me on the other side of town. Presently, he is working until 8pm and he doesn't like the commute to stay over on any weekday. I don't get calls unless I initate. After 2 months, I talked to him about it and he improved a little. If I ask on Friday night whether he is coming over, he says he needs to call me back and let me know. I don't understand why can't he give me a simple yes or no. I don't receive e-mails either. This weekend, I babysat on Saturday night and he opted to stay home to catch up. No calls this weekend.

I want to see how long it takes for him to call me. But, why should I "test" him? Shouldn't I expect a call or am I wasting my time?????? I am giving up to soon?

Any advice is appreciated. Thanks for taking time to read my posting.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-04-2005 - 10:24pm

Did you ever have a conversation with him about what type of relationship he's looking for? It sounds like he's just fine with the sex and companionship on the weekends when it's convenient for him, and doesn't feel the need to see you more often, talk during the week, woo you, take you out, or do any of the normal courtship/dating things a guy does.

Some women would be fine with that, but I personally would not be, and it doesn't sound like you are either. You've already made your feelings known, and he's hasn't really changed his behavior, so your choices are to accept him as is, or move on.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2005
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 5:32am
it sounds like your relationship is one sided. you love him but the only thing he wants you for is a weekend booty call. if thats the case drop him like hotcakes and go looking for something better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 7:28am
I agree with the other posters - sounds like you are his weekend sex-buddy not his girl friend. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 11:20am
I am with the others on not accepting this behavior but also my first impression from the post is he is with someone else. Never saying yes if he is coming but calling you back, only seeing you on the weekends, not available until after 8pm during the week. Something just isn't right there. Have you been to his place? Just because you met his parents is not always a big deal to some. Especially to me. I will bring anyone around my parents but my child and some extended family is way later in the relationship. SO I would look into this part time deal and really speak up and get changes or move on to someone who will date you.

Marie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 11:34am
I agree with the others. I think you are his weekend sex buddy and if he doesn't feel like having sex or maybe is even getting it elsewhere he will not come over. He might have another female "friend" on the side that prefers over you and needs to check with her first and see if she is willing to see him and if she isn't than that is when he comes to you. If a man wants to be in a serious relationship with you, he will want to take the time to get to know you outside of the bedroom and this guy doesn't seem to be that way. A guy who is serious will also want to know how your day went and see if you are ok. One question, have you ever stayed over at his place? I would be careful if I was you it sounds like you are heading down the road of heartbreak.
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