Good signs?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2010
Good signs?
4
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 8:47am

Back in December I met a really great guy off of a dating site. We hit it off right away and had our first date on December 18th. After that date he asked if I would see him again and I happily agreed. By New Years things were made official. Sometime mid-January I was at his place and things were getting pretty heated, he asked if I wanted to go into the bedroom and I said I wasn't sure. I explained that I had a relationship that went too quickly and didn't want to mess things up again so we should wait. He told me he was glad to hear me say that. It turns out I'm his first girlfriend and he had never slept with anyone before. He was nervous because friends had told him that if he didn't try anything I'd think there was something wrong with him or that I would think he thought there was something wrong with me. We were both pretty relieved and he has since told me after that moment he actually felt ready and fell in love with me. We slowly started spending weekends together, I would sleep at his place. He bought me a toothbrush and began suggesting I keep things I might need here. He's cleared out two drawers for me and I spend almost every night here now. He's already brought up marriage and said one night that if it were up to him we would be married now but "we should wait the appropriate amount of time" he thought maybe a year. He keeps reminding me that proposing will be his job (we had a discussion once about women who propose) he asked me what age I thought I'd be married by and I told him I always thought by 25 would be nice. He told me that's what he was thinking (I turn 24 in June). He has even brought up kids, though he wants to travel some first. I have never met a guy like him and am absolutely mad about him. Just last night he admitted how amazed he is at how easily he got used to me being around, that he usually gets annoyed with people easily and that having me around seems natural. He is unlike any other guy I have ever known, the fact that he brought up marriage surprised me. There were a few times earlier on where he would actually cry because of how close he felt to me, and sadness that his grandfather, who passed away a year ago, would never meet me. One night I asked him what we were going to do with each other (this after spending an increasing amount of time together)and he said "Get married, have kids, and grow old together" which in turn made me cry! I have never felt closer to anyone, and could never see myself with someone in the long term as I can with him.

I know these are all good things, I guess I'm just looking for opinions, and to see if anyone else has experienced anything similar.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
In reply to: an_cailin_rua
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 10:48am

Hi there,


Beginnings of relationships are always wonderful, as the couple is in a bubble of paradise. Sounds like you two are off to a great start, but please don't get married until you've know each other for about two years. Over that time period, you two will reveal your true selves to each other, and see each other in all types of situations. You need to see how he handles stress at work, how he interacts with friends and family, and how he will interact with you during arguments, if you do end up arguing, which most people do and is quite natural when you spend so much time with someone, and of course

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2009
In reply to: an_cailin_rua
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 1:16pm

All sounds good. One question: have you had sex yet? Are you good together sexually?


Just wanted to add, totally agree with Blueorchid61.


Edited 3/23/2010 1:17 pm ET by glammygoth




Edited 3/23/2010 1:20 pm ET by glammygoth
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2010
In reply to: an_cailin_rua
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 4:24pm
We have, we are always completely in sync and have actually come together a few times. He is attentive to my needs that way, I have never climaxed until him, he was determined to do that for me and always puts me first before looking for his release. My previous bf never cared.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
In reply to: an_cailin_rua
Wed, 03-24-2010 - 12:38am

I think the two of you are rushings things. Yes, this could be a match made in heaven....but it could also be that you're wearing those rose coloured glasses which are so frequent in the start of a relationship.

Thing is, we don't really know each other for a good 12 months or so. I wouldn't be doing any marriage planning for a couple of years yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2009
In reply to: an_cailin_rua
Wed, 03-24-2010 - 1:30pm
As almost always, totally agree with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
In reply to: an_cailin_rua
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 6:11pm

It's only been 3.5 months, so don't get ahead of yourself!

I agree with the others on here. The beginnings are always nice and new and exciting. BUT please don't make any big moves until you've known him for 2 years (I agree on this time frame roughly). Don't move in, don't get married, just keep knowing each other. It's only been 3.5 months. It's called the "honeymoon" phase for a reason.

Not saying you can't always hand out with him, JUST DON'T MAKE ANY LIFE CHANGE DECISIONS during this time period.

Glad things are going great, but don't get swallowed up in the dreaminess!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
In reply to: an_cailin_rua
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 6:12pm

Like another person said, do you know what your deal breaker list is? The things that you would no longer continue seeing a guy over?

This is essential.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
In reply to: an_cailin_rua
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 3:59am
Hi, it seems like you're living a beautiful love story and am really happy for you. Still, if there was one thing I would recommend, that would be not to fast-forward to any sort of serious commitment. He might seem like the perfect man for you now, but there are so many things you don't know about him, things it takes time to find out, and it's best if you take it slowly in the beginning. I know this sounds horrible, but at one point, when you've spent sufficient time together, either boredom or excessive comfort might set in, and you need to learn how to overcome that BEFORE getting married. Anyway, I wish you best of luck in your relationship and... a little bit of patience!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2010
In reply to: an_cailin_rua
Tue, 06-08-2010 - 8:13pm

Just wanted to update and say that at 6 months things are still amazing. He says he has been thinking a lot about our future and how much he is looking forward to starting a family with me. We are still planning to wait a year to get engaged...marriage is planned for about a year after that and a family in 3-4 if we are ready. He has started to ask what kind of ring I would like and how he should propose :P I have had a minor health scare and needed a biopsy today and he was at my side the whole time. We are moving in with his parents for a few weeks until he can get some inheritance money which we will use as a down payment on a home. We have been communicating about future plans the whole way and it seems we are more or less on the same page and any issues are easily compromised. I seem to be the only one with issues as he is so easy going...he's never angry but hasn't hesitated to tell me when he doesn't like something. He pushed me to have my little health concern looked into in the first place. I have never known someone like this before. My family loves him and he keeps pushing to meet more of them...after a lot of pushing I arranged for him to meet my Great Grandfather who is a Canadian WW2 vet...Jer is a huge history buff and does German WW2 reenactment, he and my Great Grandpa plan to visit again and share old war artifacts and the like. He is also chipping in for my parents 25th anniversary party and even offered to help me get a college fund started for my niece or nephew to be. He has a very active interest in getting to know my entire family. He is also excited about living with his parents for the short term so I can get to know them and his sisters better and he almost always takes me along with his buddies for paintball and other things. We are planning a few trips this summer including one for my birthday and he is also taking me along to a movie shoot he is going to be an extra in with his reenactment stuff. I never thought guys like this existed but he seems to genuinely care about me...unlike the men in my past. Something else that surprised me about him was that he wanted to know all about my past relationships because he feels he will understand me better (I had a lot of very painful experiences, but then I guess we all do).

I am very happy.

Thanks for all the advice and comments on my last posting...I have kept them all in mind and will continue to do so :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2010
Fri, 12-10-2010 - 10:43am
Another update....

We have now been together a year and he proposed on the 5th of December....we are very excited :)

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