Great chemistry, just no sexual heat
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| Sun, 05-29-2005 - 10:53am |
I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. We have been living together for 4 months now. We get along wonderfully. We are each other's best friend. In the beginning of my relationship we had sex often, and it was always amazing.
Lately, we have sex once a week--if that sometimes. Even though we still cuddle and kiss, there isn't any sexual heat coming from him. I still view him as the amazing lover, the extremely sexy man that I fell in love with. But he said that he just doesn't get as turned on by my anymore because it has been over a year, we live together so he always sees me, blah blah.
So here's my question...Is this relationship really going to stand the test of time? I know he truely loves me, and I love him. We do have sex once in awhile, but I have to try really heard to get things to happen. Is this relationship doomed because of the sexual aspect?? I'm worried that he will end up cheating once we get married, and have kids...
HELP!
*Danielle*

Hi Hockey! I just want to say that after living together awhile, things have a tendacy(sp?) to slow down. Due to things in our daily lives we often put the romatic side on the back burner, causing a whole new set of issues. My DP recently just said what can he do to bring back the passion (not in those words), but I said a nice candle lite bath and massage will do wonders for me. So keep trying those little surprises without even thinking sex, (i.e. massage, I have yet not met a man who has been turned off by a massage), besides it turns me on (smile) wink!
P.S. - I've been w/my DP for 6 yrs. next month, we've been living together for approx. 3 yrs. so I know what you speak of. Take care and good luck!
Hi Danielle,
My first question is ... how old are you guys and how many serious relationships have you had in the past?
I would be concerned about the <> comment. While it's true that things do tend to slow down as a relationship progresses, if he's no longer get "as turned on" by you, that's a problem.
The rest of my answer will depend on your age and experience.
Ok, given your ages and experience, here it is: <>
Unlikely. Unless, at 21 and 23 yrs-old, you are both already very mature individuals with defined goals, beliefs, values, etc and a clear understanding of who you are, what you want, where you're going, and how you're going to get there. I've met very, very few early 20-somethings who are (actually, I don't think I have met any who ARE there yet, though many think they are, it's just highly unlikely at that point in your life). You'll understand this in about 8 - 10 yrs. For this reason, those who cohabitate and/or marry at your age, usually do so for idealistic reasons, not for realistic reasons, and end up splitting up once they do start defining themselves as mature adults.
<>
Love is good, love is great. But, love isn't enough. Love doesn't conquer all. Again,
many people at your age do believe that love is enough, and that is part of the idealistic part of it that I mentioned, but what you don't have yet is the experience to know that love isn't all it takes.
<>
Not what you're going to want to hear, but most 23-y/o guys want sex. If you have to try really hard to get things going, there's a problem. And, I don't think it's a problem with you ... or with him ... quite simply, he's bored with the relationship but doesn't want to end it (yet).
<>
Nope, not because of the sexual aspect. It's bigger picture than that. The sexual aspect ... or lack thereof is a symptom of the bigger picture ... the lack of sex is because he's bored in the relationship ... and he's bored because ... in the bigger picture ... he's not "living it out" as most 23-y/o guys should be or want to be living it out. For that matter, you're 21 ... why be tied down to one person at this point in your life? ( because of 'love' ... right?) It's probably not going to last because you guys have moved the relationship into the "living together" stage at a young age, without defined goals together, without being engaged or having a clear definition of what your future together means.