Had the exclusive talk - Went bad!!
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 03-31-2006 - 5:18pm |
Well I did it!! I had the conversation, with my guy, about us being exclusive, didnt like what I heard, and it hurts like hell. But Im trying to be strong and look for the silver lining. A part of me still wonders if it was the truth or his way again of keeping me at a distance so I dont expect too much.
I started in with, about me going out with others as he had said that to me the other day, but said it was a joke, and asked if he saw anyone else, because he knows I dont do that. He laughed and threw out wild numbers like 10 7 9 then 0. Then I said is 0 the truth Tom, and he said no 1. I still see my old girlfriend, but only on a rare occassion. He then said "its nothing like you and I have Sue, trust me." I asked if thats so then why have it all? He responded I dont know, and why are you doing this Sue, why do you want to hear all this and get hurt! So I simply told him I needed to know and I had a right to know. Because at times we've had unprotected sex for one, and that wont happen again. And that I need to know where my life is and where I stand.
Well that was that and then we were having coffee and he was eating a muffin I made. Said how good they were, and what a great cook I am, I laughed and said sarcastically, "oh great then marry me!! " He said "no, and you dont want to get married anyway." I told him maybe someday I do, but not now. He told me when Im ready to go husband shopping let him know, because I can skip him over, its not even a word in his vocabulary. Then he went on, of course to say Im only kidding!! But Im not so sure he was.
I dont know what to do now. Basically Im in love with someone that I have no future with. This is why I suppose I dont get asked to his home, or meet his kids and friends. Im not his future, Im just a passing thing. All these months I hung in there hoping it would grow into something special and it did, except it will never be anything more obviously. And obviously Im not the only one in his life. Ive put almost a year of my life into this relationship.
Funny thing is I feel a sense of releif now that I know the truth. I just dont know where to go with it all. I think Im not anwsering my phone for a few days to him, I dont want him to see that he hurt me. I swore I wouldnt let a man hurt me again, but it happened. And I have no one to blame but myself.
History: I asked him this because some guys been asking me out, and I didnt want to go, I felt guilty, but at this point I suppose it would be foolish of me to ever feel guilty no matter what I do!

Charite,
Thank you for your kind words of reassurance, they help so much. I still havent told him that I need to walk away. When we left each other the other day, he knew I was unhappy and upset, but we left it that way. I chose to let things digest and think for a few days. But all the thinking in the world, wont change the hurt. He hurt me, he honestly lead me to think this was over with her and that he never sees her. He also led me to think I was the only one in his life. He lied to me, and I cant tolerate dishonesty. I spent 21 years in a marriage, that ended because of lying, my husband started having an affair. I think thats the worst part, Tom knew this about me, and yet he chose to be dishonest too.
About 10 minutes after I left work last night my phone rang and rang, it was Tom. I finally picked it up after the 4th call. He was so drunk. I think the drinking and the phone call was his way of trying to figure out how I was feeling and what I was going to do next. Well Im not dealing with a drunk! He called me his honey, his sweetheart, his best girl, and said he means all that. He also said "dont you kick me to the curb, we have a good thing "
GOOD THING!! GOOD for who? Good for him?
I guess what I dont understand is that I know theres an attachment and a closeness between us. We talk everyday, sometimes 2 or 3 times, we share our lives on a daily basis, we never argue or fight, I havent pushed him at all. YET>>>>>>>>>Why does he see her on a "rare occassion"??? If you have something really good with someone, something you enjoy, that is fun and drama free, and I might add he continually tells me how great our sex is.........THEN whats the need to see her at all??? Can anyone explain that one to me????
I asked him that question and got an "I dont know" about 3 times, till I said forget it! For me having all those things together was enough. Taking care of my kids, my home, my job, and a relationship with him was plenty at this time. I turned down a few dates with other guys, because I didnt feel the need for anything more in my life. And then as I said he lead me to think I was the only one.