Harry and Sally?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Harry and Sally?
4
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 1:10am

Ok, here's my Harry-Sally story. I have a close guy friend who I've been friends with for nearly 8 years now, though only lately have we become very close. And by very close, I mean the following - we see each other every weekend, often multiple times over the weekend, talk to each other everyday just before we go to sleep and have met each other's friends & family. We even spent the Jewish holidays together, with my family, earlier this year. We have an uncanny amount of things in common and I trust him & even consider him my best friend. We've been like this for only half a year at the most- those first 7 and a half years of our friendship were much more casual - we'd see each other every other week at the most.

So anyway, when we first met, I had no attraction to him - I'm not even sure how we became friends, but we did. If anything, I might have found him slightly annoying when we met. But now, as we've become closer, it's as if I'm seeing him in an entirely new light. It's weird that I could suddenly be attracted to someone, but I am and it's only been growing stronger.

Problem is, what about him? Actually I think I know the answer, but I'm not sure and I'm scared of being wrong - there's just too much to lose because I value his friendship so much. But anyway - like I said, we talk every night, and it's usually him that calls me (though it goes both ways). In addition, he'll often joke how we should just get married already, compliment me, and tell me he missed me if I was away for a weekend for whatever reason. Also, I've had a number of people - even strangers - ask me if we have or are dating because of the way we interact with each other. Like I said, I do think I know how he feels, but I can't be entirely sure because of one thing - we're still just friends.

So could it be that we could be just very close friends, but not meant to be anything more? I'm afraid that I may be romanticizing our relationship and turning it into a Harry & Sally situation (because after all, what can be better than falling in love and ending up with your best friend?) Can guys & girls just be (best) friends and nothing more? What is he thinking? Would he freak out if I made a move? Which honestly, I'm not so sure I could do - there was a perfect opportunity for me to do just that and I panicked at the last moment, thinking not of rejection, but of how it may change our friendship. Could he be just as scared? Is he ever going to make a move? I could really use a guy's perspective on this. I often feel as if we are so close yet so far from hooking up and we're stuck in limbo, both of us too scared to do anything about it. How do we get past this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: sabina13
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 9:03am

If you’re as close friends as you say then he will approach you if he were interested. I have a male best friend at one point in time it got to the point of me being attracted to him because of our closeness and the time we spent together but I would never cross the line. We discussed it even but that would have ruined the friendship or tainted it at least if we did cross the line. We both realized this was just temporary and continued to hang out and be ourselves. Like you we were together constantly, my family knew him and my mom constantly asked if we would get married because we were so close and our interaction together seemed as if we were dating. But, all in all guys go for what they want even if they fear they may be rejected. Just take this as a really good friend and if your attraction to him is to bad to handle cut back on time spent until this passes. And trust me it will.

Marie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
In reply to: sabina13
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 7:10pm
I say GO FOR IT! Look at the world around you ... life is much, much too short to spend without the person you love. Start putting feelers out there. If romantic feelings aren't there on his side, just put it away. But if they are, imagine how awesome that could be ... how many of us get to marry our best friends? If you never try, then you'll never know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
In reply to: sabina13
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 9:50pm
I would GO FOR IT as well. I was friends with my first love for 2 years. I even helped him with the girls he liked though I secretly wished I was the one he wanted. Anyways, due to our closeness 2 months before I was to leave for college we became more than friends. We maintained a long distance relationship and we never really broke up but lost contact. 15 years have passed and he is now happily married though he still holds a special place in my heart. The short period we were together was the most memorable moment of my young life. FRIENDSHIP IS A GOOD FOUNDATION FOR A GOOD RELATIONSHIP.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
In reply to: sabina13
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 9:16am
You say you think you already know the answer but you're afraid. Usually when we think we know, we know. So I'd just face it and accept it for what it is. If you think he's romantically interested in you, he will show it. Instead of just hanging out as friends, see if he asks you on a date. And if he does call and ask you to do something, you should ask "is this a date?" if you're unsure. Once things are out in the open it will be much easier for you two to see where the relationship is going.