Has anyone had good experiences?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Has anyone had good experiences?
4
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 9:40am

Hello everyone!
I was just wondering, have any of you out there had any good experiences with the online dating networks? I decided to try them and to me they look like they could be interesting. But there are soooo many horror stories going around about them. Just curious,

Betty

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2005
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 12:27pm
I try match.com once, and it worked as far as online. But the problem I had was the wrong type of guys kept responding to me and not really the type that I was looking for. I would just suggest meeting in public- of course and somewhere where you can leave anytime, like a park or something like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 2:52pm

I have had the same deal with meeting people who didn't match what I am looking for. I am on 3 different boards, and they(the men I am meeting) are all either too far away, too old, don't want children and things like that. I found one on yahoo and he e-mailed me back. He was very nice in the e-mail,lives fairly close within an hour(better than Canada or something---LOL)is exactly my age within a few months, loves kids--I had written a poem about the type of man I am looking for and he said he loved it, except for the part where I said I need a man to love my kids as a step dad should, he said that he would NEVER try to take their dad's place but he would love them as much as they would let him love them. He is into rescue work which is what I am going to be starting school for this fall, he is a volunteer fireman, works ambulance, and but his full-time job is working for the power company. I just thought with all we have in common it is worth a shot to stay in contact with him. No plans on meeting any time soon, we just started talking, I was just curious as to what experiences any of you might have had. He even grew up on a farm(as did I) and we spent forever talking about picking rocks,bailing hay, and milking cows!! LOL

God knows that I am having no luck locally, I am at a point in my life where I do not need a man but one would be nice if he happened to just come around. Slow and steady wins the race and right now my biggest priority is raising my children and starting school in the fall to get my E.M.T. license and then on to my paramedic certification.I am at a very comfortable point in my life right now and honestly do not care if I meet someone right away or not, but no sense turning down good conversation either, we both want friendships right now, and that is just fine with both of us.

When my ex and I first broke-up I was hunting a man like some sort of game. But I got some really good advice from one of the ladies here and I decided to take it, she was right I needed to find myself first.Right now I am happier than I have been in a long time, loving my kids as much as humanly possible, and looking forward to my new career. I love the fact that I CAN do this without having to depend on a man, it feels G-R-E-A-T!
Take care everyone,
thanks for any input you may have

Betty

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Sun, 07-03-2005 - 9:42am

I am going to be very honest with you, the answer is NO. I tryed the online dating last fall for a brief period of time (perhaps 2 months), took a brief break from it and then tryed it again recently from beginning of Feb. through May. I used various online dating sites, followed all the general guidelines for creating a stellar profile, posted very current N' beautiful but candid pics along with my profile and here was what I experienced in return;

> Often recieved very distasteful emails that were sexually explicit in content from men
that were clearly looking for casual sex/ a one night stand.
> Received lots of 'flirt' messages from men that were either 15 yrs. my senior and/or
from young pups in there latter twenties.
> My profile on the Match site received over 6000 views within a 3 month time
period,HOWEVER, the irony of it all is that, I only had 3 actual "first meets" out of
that. ( The numbers just didn't add up, which left me feeling as though there are alot
of men online who get pleasure from looking at women's pics with no sincere intention
of wanting to actually date...) Two of the three men that I actually met for a first
meet, did not even fit their profile description, which they had posted. I would add
that the pics they posted must have been from several yrs ago etc. (essentially you
can expect to run into some misrepresentation)
> Alot of 'ghosting' which means men will just disappear & stop corresponding without any
explanation.
> Also got stood up on a tentative dinner date! by a man that I had been corresponding
with by email, IM and phone for about a good 3 weeks.

Okay mackbub, I could go on an on about my personal experience, but I think you probably get my point that online dating is brutally hardcore from an emotional standpoint. Each time that I used the online dating venues (last fall & this spring) my level of self-esteem had literally been beat to the pulp. Over on the online dating board you will often hear the phrase, 'wearing an armadillo shield'. This is an absolute must because if you are not accustomed to being exposed to men's lack of courtesy or sincerity, then you will find yourself spending more time trying to regain your self-esteem.
Another word of caution is that 40% of the men online are actually not available (married or are already in a committed relationship), and that is per an article that can be found right here on the Ivillage site.

In order to survive online dating, you literally have to go into each contact experience (written, verbal or actual/in-person forms) with absolutely no expectations from the other person. This was very difficult for me because I am a very open & honest and very trusting of others and totally believe in the notion that one should treat others with courtesy and respect. During my own personal experiences online, I never received those common courtesies back in return.

Clearly, it didn't work for me personally but everyone's experiences are different and there are some people who do just happen to get lucky. I just wasn't one of them.
( LM )

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 7:59am

Online dating is just like anything else, if you want to have a positive experience and go in with a good atitude you will.

Yes, you will get LOTS of emails, etc. from guys that you ar enot even remotely in, the dating world equivilant of spam. Handle it the same way you would spam. Delete it and ignore it. I always put something like this in my profile, "If you're looking for a one night stand, live more then 30 minutes away from me, are going to want to chat online a month before meeting, or are old enough to be my father don't even bother. I'm not trying to be a b**ch, just trying to save us both some time."

Personally, I had a GREAT time using online dating. I live in Atlanta so that might help, PLENTY of available guys right here onlie. If you live in a smaller town it's harder becasue there's less available locally to choose from.

I can honestly say I never expereinced the horror stories others complain of. I do think it's really important to be able to trust your own judgement and to know how to weed out the losers, but a lot of that you learn during the process. Sure I had a few REALLY boring dates and plenty that just didn't go anywhere, but that's just dating.

Personally I say go for it. Of course, you have to keep in mind, this is coming from a woman who is engaged to be married to the guy she met on Lavalife Intimate Encounters looking for a new friend with benefits. :) I stand by my initial piece of advice you'll have whatever kind of experience online you want to have and are open to having.

I went looking for one thing and found something much more but I was open to seeing what the opportunity had offer.

Whether the glass is half-full or half-empty is ENTIRELY up to you.