having doubts about who you're with

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2005
having doubts about who you're with
1
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 2:59pm

Hi Everyone, I've been dating a guy for about 6 months now. We have a lot of differences. for one thing I am 5 years older than him. I guess it's unusual when the woman is older. I'm 27, he's 22, almost 23 (: When we met i really didnt think about the age, it's not like i really look older, when we go out, i get carded he doesnt. I was a bit uncomfortable with the age thing at first, but I'm ok with it now. I went into it not really knowing what was going to happen, i thought we'd have a few dates, then that'd be it. But we became somewhat inseperable. I saw him pretty much everyday, then he started spending the night about 5 times a week. I have to say that I enjoyed it a lot. I was once engaged, i've been broken up with him almost 3 years now...i hadnt had anything serious with anyone in about a year. And the person i was with before that it was long distance. Anyways, he has not graduated college yet, I have. I know my parents would not like this, but i shouldnt care what they'd think...part of me feels like the person i end up with, i'd like them to have a degree. My boyfriend does have some education and he plans to finish. Also i'm on the quiet side, he's loud and out going. He knows that we are different, but he said he likes this about us.

Now the biggest thing is that in feb, he left for the air force...i knew this from the start. Again i didnt know what would happen. He told me he loved me in janurary...shortly after i felt the same. He told me he still wanted to be with me when he left for the air force. Perhaps we should have ended things, but we didnt want to...so here we are still together and it's difficult. I havent seen him since february and will not see him for about another 20 days. But i cant WAIT to see him. Sometimes i'm not happy with how much we have contact...it seems to be every other day. THe phone service on his base is awful so i just deal with it...but i would like to be able to talk more. We have discussed how we will not be with anyone else, we both said we only want to be with each other...but sometimes i get paranoid that he'll see others.

I feel confused I guess. I really do love him, i miss him like crazy, desire him like i never have anyone else...but i do wonder if i am making the rigth choice by trying to work this out? I would sometimes just like to have someone here with me who i could see regularly...i have done an LDR before, it did not work out...not due to the distance...but other issues. I am going to be 28...not getting any younger. I guess i'm afraid of wasting time with people and then finding myself old and single...but i know this could happen with anyone, heck it happened to me with my ex of 4 years who i was enagaged to. Are my feelings normal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 4:20pm

Your feelings are normal.. I am in a LDR and before I was not for them. I have been on the crazy roller coaster due to schedules and not having him around when I want and as long as I want and then when I want to talk he not being there and I'd even went to the extreme of saying it wasn't going to work and tried pushing him away. Well, we just hit a year and I am so happy. The patience has paid off and we can see each other more often after the end of the month. Once you see him and feel him your doubts will go away and you will wonder what were you thinking. It is the anxiety of the distance and not have that daily contact.


Also, there is a dating a military man board here on IV. I am at work and can not get the link for it but you might find that helpful also. Not to push you away from here because

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