He is 30yrs my senior

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Registered: 03-19-2003
He is 30yrs my senior
7
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 4:54pm

Ok, they hijacked my post lol, and can only imagine when some starts to read this. But, those who did not want to get in to the making babies, having babies, or not discusssion but wanted to chime in on the age difference question here you go.


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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 6:56pm

You're 27 and he's 57. Hmmm. What does HE want from a relationship with you? And what do you want from him? Are you on the same wave length as far as where the relationship is going? Is it a friendship? Will sex be involved? Are the two of you using each other? How honest is this collaboration?

I think these are the things you would have to ask yourself. Is he interested in you solely because you're so much younger? Are you interested in him solely because he can take you places? There's a lot more to it than whether or not you'd look like a strange couple. Certainly you'd probably look like father and daughter, but besides that, how much honesty is there between you?

Personally, I see more cons than pros in a relationship that spans an entire generation. I don't think it would be emotionally healthy for either person.

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Registered: 01-06-2004
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 8:37am

"DO you think we'd look like a strange couple?" It doesn't matter what you lok like or other people think.

"If you were my best friend what would you say to me?"

Have you thought this through? I mean really, not just oh it seems so cool and romantic and he can afford to take me nice places and on nice trips, but REALLY thought about it.

When this guy is in his 80s and needing full-time nursing care you're going to be in your 40s and still in your prime. You'll be using your income to pay his hospital and nursing bills instead of saving for YOUR retirement.

By the time YOUR ready to retire, he'll be gone and you'll be starting all over in your fifties or sixties trying to find soemone for YOU to grow old with.

How does he feel about Viagra? Because if he doesn't already need it he'll need it soon enough. Heck in 10-20 years, depending on how fit he is, even the Viagra wont help. He'll be so old you could kill him or break his hip having sex with him and you'll be in your sexual prime.

I know it isn't fun or romantic to think about these things, but do you really want to set yourself up for this future or are you just "going with the flow" because you don't want to face the reality of a future with this man.

Because the reality is not pretty.

In reality MOST people who date and fall in love with someone this much their senior and up regretting using some of the best years of their life caring for someone in the twilight of theirs.

My grandparents where both quit fit and healthy all through there 50s and their 60s. It was during their mid-70s that they started to seriously decline, that's only 15 years away for this man. Are you prepared to start caring for someone who is elderly when your 42? Are you prepared to slow down and stay at home more because he can't keep up when you're 42?

Because that's the reality of being in your 70s, the old body just doesn't hold up that well.

You might want to consider visiting a retirement community (not even a facilitated care facility) and see what 70 REALLY looks like and feels like for soemone 70, 75, 80. Because it isn't fun and you aren't going to be going on a lot of nice trips then.

That is EXACTLY, what I would say to my best friend.

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Registered: 04-28-2005
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 9:21am
30 years is waaaaay too big of a difference, IMHO. Most people on these boards know that I'm with a man 10yrs my junior. That was pushing the envelope for me. Ultimately it wasn't about age, but maturity level, responsibility, and matching goals, ambitions, desires, values, morals, intelligence levels, etc. You get the picture. However, if my SO were 30 years one way or the other none of that would matter. I wouldn't have given a relationship with him a thought. Maybe I would have been missing out on something, maybe not. When I was in my early twenties I dated a man 26 yrs. my senior. I couldn't do it, even though he was a fine man. I felt like I was out with my dad. The looks we got...not that that is important per se, but I was always aware of them. We were too different...though each possessed qualities that were desirable to the other. Maybe it works for some people. It's just a matter of personal taste. People age...and as that happens you start opening up whole new cans of worms, different issues to deal with. I'd stick a little closer to home....Becky
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Registered: 11-13-2004
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 6:54pm

I'm pretty much in agreement w/the other posters here, Marie.

I'd add that you've told us you have a young son. Is this guy interested in your total package, or does he just want to whisk you away for fun and games while son stays w/whomever? Red flag. On the other hand, is one of the greatest things that attracts him to you the fact that you have a young child? Bigger red flag. You also say he's divorced. Are there children on his side of the fence? If they're adult children (HUGE RED FLAG), you're going to encounter the 'she's only after his $$' syndrome. Why in the world would you want to spend your time and energy fighting that battle? Unless, of course, that's really what you are interested in.

Relationships can and do work well between the strangest fits.......I'd advise you to take caution here, though, and don't allow yourself to be swept up in the 'he wants to fulfill my dreams' mode. There's always a price to be paid.

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Registered: 01-26-2005
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 9:53pm

When I was 19 I dated someone 30 years my senior. He is the one I lost my virginity to. (he did not take advantage of me) I did not and still do not regret it. Why should I? It was mutual. It was what I wanted. We are still friends to this day.

I have always been into the older males. And more mature then your typical young lady. (I'm 30 now) I raised myself from a young age. I know what I want in life. When we finally parted ways it was not a bad breakup. He's a great guy. He wasn't looking for some fun young thing.




Edited 5/12/2005 9:57 pm ET ET by raunch_dip
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Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 12:31am
Thanks for your feedback. I put myself in the situation because I get more responses. I know the cations but want to see others who may have been there and the differences. I know many will not speak of it if they have but knowing this does happen. They are not alone and it is not that uncommon. I do try to keep my son on the fore front when it comes to dating and no matter the age of the guy
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Registered: 04-19-2004
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 5:20pm
No I would never date anyone 30 years my senior. I am 32, that would be way too old for me to date someone older than my father, one time I found myself attracted to an older gentlemen that was about 2 years younger than my dad and once we were alone I just got skeeved out.