Is he being honest with me???????

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
Is he being honest with me???????
28
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 5:14pm

Happy New Year to all!! Here I am again with my first problem of the new year! LOL

Any of you that have read my post know that I have been dating a guy but not exclusively for the past 5 months off and on. Well we talked before the holidays and he informed me that yes, I was the only one he was seeing now and sleeping with. I was so very happy!! But now the part you all warned me off has come to surface---- How do I trust him ???How do I know he was honest with me or that he wont end up back with her and hurting me again???

We spent from 8am yesterday till about 12PM with each other. We had a wonderful morning together. He said he too was staying in for New Years eve with his kids, and that he'd call me. Well I never heard from him, so I called this morning around 1130 and left him a voicemail, wishing him well and asked that he call me back. Well Its 430 now and I still havent spoke to him.

I dont know if its just me being insecure and making to big a deal out of things, but its a holiday, and when you care about someone, you call and say Happy New Year! Maybe hes just busy with his kids, I dont know. But a part of me starts thinking the worst, like here we go, he lied to me! I dont want to feel this way and I dont know what to do.

I decided that I wont call him again. That much I know, no matter how hard that is. He owes me the return call now! Only problem is I cant enjoy my day, because tears start to build up in my eyes. Its not like him to turn me off all day like this. Anybody have any ideas?? And do I say anything when I do hear from him? Or do I leave it alone for fear of pushing him too far and too fast?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 11:18am

Hi!!

Just wanted to report that the talk went well. We are both on the same page as to what we want in a relationship. Yes she is out of his life, and has been. He apologized to me for having left me with a bad taste in my mouth about his level of honesty and trust.

We agreed to take our relationship forward and see where it leads us. We are both happy right now and enjoy spending time together. As far as his children go, he is a bit cautious with them, because he feels like I do that they dont need to be involved in the beginning. He also is going through a tough time with the kids now. Their Mother has had a guy living with them and is now engaged. They always liked the guy, but now the reaction has changed that he will be their stepfather. So I agreed with him, that they cant have too much thrown at them at once.

I think at this point the best I can do is have some faith in him and I and see where it goes from here. Afterall the only choices to be made are to pursue the relationship further or end it. Im not interested in ending it because I am happy with him. He makes me laugh, smile, and feel cared for. So now I step up to the plate and take my chances in life. I think sometimes Im more frightened of taking the chance than anything else. I let my insecurities get into my head and I question everything!!

I need to beleive in him and I and go from there.

Thank you all for your help. I may need some more down the road!! But Im gonna take a baby step here, and move on with my life, and try to put my past behind me! !

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2005
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 1:20pm
That's great. After only 5 months I think you're right to just see where it goes. It's still pretty early in the relationship. The good thing is you are on the same page. You can always reevaluate later down the road if things don't change.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 8:20am

Thanks Pam, and yes you are right, I can always reevaluate later. WHATS THE HURRY!! I may be 45 but Im not dead yet and have lots of life left in me!!

Funny how life goes sometimes. But just last night, while we were online chatting, he was not in a very good mood. Turns out hes annoyed with a financial matter with the ex wife. So as I sit there and try to be supportive and try to make him let it go and smile, I got pretty close to nowhere!! I said my goodnight, went to bed, woke up this morning and said to myself, when he's done with this mood he can call me!! Im not his ex, Ive done nothing, and I wont let his mood or his lack of letting it go, bring me down. BEEN THERE DONE THAT IN MY MARRIAGE, HAD ENOUGH OF THAT!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2005
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 10:53pm
That's good. I know you want to make things better but sometimes people just have to work things out on their own. Good for you allowing him his space. I know that was hard for me in the past but I'm getting better at it. I hope things continue to go well for you 2.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 12:46am
Flick, I am so happy with where you are right now. Keep posting here with the good and the bad. You know I have been following your story for a bit and I just have a feeling things will work out for you. So no matter if it is on email or on the board I am here and I want to know how things are.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 7:48am


Thank you so much for this post! It felt great to hear that I may finally be on the right track! I plan to stay around here on the board. Its a great place to vent your feelings and to try and help others out. I was on another board when my ex and I started having problems with our marriage, and stayed there for the past two years. But as I reached this stage in my life, of putting it all back together, I found that what I needed wasnt there anymore. These women were only into man bashing. They could never see that there were two sides to relationships. How very sad for them, that will have a hard time finding happiness again, because they wont let go of their past.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 12:41pm

I'm glad to hear the talk went well, and I hope he proves worthy of the trust you are giving him. Just don't put your head in the sand now...pay attention to his behavior going forward and make sure it's consistent with what he's saying.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 10:06pm

Im not a reg on this board, but I just had to tell you this.

I'm newly separated with 1 child. She's 9. But, I'm not sure after even 5 months if I would introduce her to someone I'd been seeing.

It is hard to explain without sounding harsh, but suppose it doesnt work out with you and him.... Then his children go through the breakup TOO! And the next breakup, and the next.

I watched my nieces have men dragged in around then for years before my sister finally settled down again. I know how my nieces felt because they talked to me. It just isnt good for them.

If he is a good parent, he may choose to keep his relationship away from his children until he is thinking marriage. I'm not saying he ever will think marriage, thats something you'll have to find out if you ever decide its what you want in your future.

Just thought I'd give you a parents point of view on this. The children probably arent the way to find out if he cares deeply for you. I could care deeply for someone and still not be ready to decide about him meeting my child or marriage.

~~Ginger~~ :)

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