Is he coming back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-1998
Is he coming back?
14
Fri, 04-22-2005 - 6:54pm

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and like everyone else on this board...we had our ups and downs...but no matter how upset we made each other, within less than 10 minutes...the phrase,"You know you love me" would roll out and it was the honest truth regardless, everytime that was it, and it was Ok. History on us...we are both in the fashion industry, stubborn,wild once, and the first day we met we just knew, I kid you not-Any given time of any day we had to always be with each other. We had become anti night scene into full pledge young family...We missed each when one wasn't around and we lived together...

The problem-

Monday I recieve a call at 8PM that, "I love you and moving back to Florida...this is your last chance to say anything to me." and he was near Texas (We live in LA). He wanted me to stop him and ask him to come home, but at that moment I did not even know what to say but that "I do love him but obviously there is something I could not stop that made you drive that far...bottom line still I love you"...All I knew was that my son and I (6 yrs)were at home waiting for him and instead he left without physically saying goodbye, I never saw him leave-it just hit like a ton of bricks. By 10PM after I realize we was not joking I then called to make him come back, but he wouldn't pick up the phone and only texted me that I am too late. A few days before he ran away, he would text randomly if I love him, and I would text back saying yes, or babe,I love you...I didnt think anything serious about it...

For the past week I have been waiting for him to come home, stay up at night, and call in a way where I let him know that I am not mad but to atleast respect me and my son who my boyfriend who plays a big role in his life. I have never exposed my son to any guy that I was dating because I wanted to be careful...My boyfriend wanted to be apart of my sons life that since he was 4 he had raised my son to know him as a parent (but not biological father)...He would say, "We are you parents..." etc... I am still waiting, and I want to know whats going on. He will not call me, or even text me. He picked up and left during the process of purchasing a home that needs repairs up the yin yang, a court settlement case, and more importantly my son, our son thinks hes coming home and continues to draw pictures of all three of us.

I would only expect the truth and want the truth...not an explanation...I just wanted to know if he was coming back? Let me know if it is truly over, so I can take it as it is and have no choice to go forward. All he will text me is "phone on silent" "I left my mase on washer,hide it from J before he finds it"....how about instead of "phone on silent"(which I recieve for the day and thats it) he should text "I am not coming back" "Its over" anything to confirm its done. He knows I love him to pieces, and I know that he loves me to, and if it is a lie to him then he should not have problem to say the simple truth that I need. We are on opposite sides of the US and hes too far for me to go postal, and I dont have anything to of his to hold hostage...I just don't understand, and it hurts me really bad that I wait...I wait for any moment I could hear his footsteps walking in towards our room and I could jump on him, hug,kiss, and punch him in the belly for doing that to me...

Can someone tell me what is going on? I mean I have had some friends say, "Dude, he drove to Florida. Probably not." If hes, not-why can't he text that he wont come back...he doesnt even have to use his voice but his two thumbs to communicate for him. If he feels I blew it,and wants to be left alone I would only expect him to text it instantly so I can stop asking...

Thanks in advance and sincerely,
Becky

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-1998
In reply to: bex1
Sat, 04-23-2005 - 11:23pm

Yes,silence does wonders...that it makes your mind think of all possibilties. I have no choice but to light up, and have continued going about my work...I have even been offered a few jobs working for stronger clothing companies...like I said, silence makes you think and all the unanswered questions will tuck out of the dark now and then.

Becky

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
In reply to: bex1
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 12:40pm

Becky,


First, hugs to you. I can only imagine how much it hurts to have someone you love so much just up and leave you.


Second, I don't think you brought this on yourself. In a world, where for the most part, a woman bears the responsibility of a child, and a man can walk away, I think you did what was best for you at the time. Abortion is never an easy option, especially since you knew what a child would do. People always say, "things will work themselves out" and yet, I just read an article where a woman sold her older daughter for a crappy car, and was prostituting her younger daughter for food/money (btw, the dd's were 14 and 12). Hey, but I guess she made it work somehow right? NO! you made the right decision for you.


As for your guy, the only thing I could/would suggest you do is ask him, "are we over? Is this done? if it is, please let me know" if he can't give that to you, then I think it may be time to say to him, "I love you, but I can't live in limbo, I'm letting go" and truly start letting go. To hold you in this limbo, w/o the words, are harsh for most ppl. His actions have told you it's over, although, I know you need to hear it, his actions are speaking loud and clear.


I know this must be devastating and hard. My only other thought, is to tell him, "if we are to make this r'ship work, I need to know what is going on, why you left, why you felt you needed to leave, etc".


I am assuming he hasn't told you why he left either.




my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-1998
In reply to: bex1
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 3:25am

Thank you so much Cher.It really meant a whole lot to me for you understanding...Its been hard for me, and especially hard on my son. As an adult we understand "heartbreak", but for a young boy-he doesnt understand at all. I wake up in the morning to find pictures that he drew the both of us,our family pets, all with frowns and my boyfriend with a happy face. My close buddy who is like an uncle to my son, is upset that my boyfriend had chose that route and chose faithfully in the beginning to except my son into his life. What or however he may think of me, should be be completely treated different towards a little boy that looks up to him, because regardless my son will always be his friend and we know that children get scarred. I have been enforcing the ideals of respecting life in general only because I do not want him to think that walking out is right. I go forward in my everyday work, but that single moment of sadness does creep in, and the word "heart break" is self defined undeniable. He may have been able to write us off, but we will need a little while longer to get use to being just the both of us again.

Hugs,
Becky

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2005
In reply to: bex1
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 5:48am
Becky,
The one good thing that came of all this is that you know that you made a wise decision because your boyfriend has proven what kind of man he is. He walked out on a boy who had taken him as a father figure and that's inexcusable regardless of how upset he is. He may be upset about a lost child, but he's has willingly scarred one that was standing right in fron t of him.

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