he is dating...? what the ?$&*

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2005
he is dating...? what the ?$&*
3
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 2:42pm
My ex and i broke up about a month ago after 4 years, we have kept in touch and occasionaly gone to eat. We told each other that we would be honest about if we were going to date someone else, so the other would be okay and totally ready to move on. Well, I am not sorry to say that I have always had access to his email, and I looked today. He has this friend that happens to be a girl and has a boyfriend in Miami. We are in georgia. He talks with her all the time. But the issue is that he told her he took some girl to dinner a couple weeks ago when he lied to me about going to a club. he also told her that he was glad that girl wasnt with him when he saw his ex girlfriend's on the next saturday night at a bar. then she wrote him back and said that there shoudl be no drama if we all know he is moving on and the we, the ex girls' are sooo stupid. he told her that his ex's are burning up because he is not with us. whatever. what does she know she is not hear to see him call ME call day long. anyway, i am realizing that i dont know him. thru the emails i have found him lying about other info. but yet he still keeps in touch with me and volunteers this info that he is lying about. I want to move on, but it is hard. Advice on how to bow out would be great!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 2:56pm
How about some "no contact"?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 3:47pm

The best advise I can give to someone is no contact, take them out of your cell phone, put away pictures stuff he bought for you, if he calls you don't answer or tell him flat out don't call no more. And within time you will be fine.

Your story is the perfect reason why ex's can not be friends after they brake up, especially so quick after the split up. Honestly and I am not trying to be mean but he doesn't have to explain his self to you because you are not his girlfriend any more and who cares if he lied to you because he is not your boyfriend anymore. Like I said I am not trying to be mean I am trying to be honest and prepare yourself for drama if you try to stay his friend, because you still have some feelings for him and he is out there in the dating field and having contact with him is going to make things alot worse.

I think if you step back and cut contact with him until you are completely healed, I mean to where you can see him out somewhere kissing another girl and it doesn't bother you one bit at all, then that is probably when you can have a friendship with him. But I think staying friends with an ex is not a good ideal unless there is a child involed.

I wish you the best of luck

-Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 4:19pm
I must say, I agree with the other posters. You need to stop talking to him. Being friends with an ex is extremely complicated and difficult. I actually found myself in a very similar situation... I knew my boyfriend's email password when we were dating and that is actually how I caught him cheating! We had been together for 3 years and did everything together, I even picked out his house! We discussed marriage and were basically engaged, we were only waiting for me to finish school to make it "official". Anyway, our breakup was very difficult for me, but it was made substantially easier because I completely cut out contact with him, cold turkey, no excuses. But, the way I see it, you don't have it so bad... I mean, if you're too tempted to try and control him and talk to him because you can read his email, simply tell him you've been reading his emails! That way, you know he will change the password, and he might even be a little ticked, so you won't have to worry about him contacting you anymore! That may not sound like a great solution, but trust me, it is in your best interests to stop talking to him and move on with your life!