Is he dumpin me?Am..i the fool?Help..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Is he dumpin me?Am..i the fool?Help..
7
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 10:01pm
Hi all..
am Nila a dentist...well..uc..my story is pretty simple..
i met this wonderful guy online some months..ah well 2 months ago..
initially we clicked so to speak..used to IM,sms..and talk to each other for hours..
Cos we both live in different cities...so it's a LDR..we are plannin to meet..yadadada..
Well..now all seems to have slowed down...we dont IM..he doesnt call..or wateva..
He is a busy guy and am a dentist..so i know our careers demand our time..
Oh wel...but then i am upset..cos he says he wants "some space" or so..he says am pushin him and suffocatin him.........now wat did i do..
Now that the initial rush is over..have we both got bored...with each other??
Please advice me...wat to do..and if u can decode wat my "guy" is tryin to say...
it would be nice gals... :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 6:35pm
I'd say that he's tired of the relationship and is moving on.
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 8:46pm

<< cos he says he wants "some space" or so..he says am pushin him and suffocatin him.........now wat did i do>>

Well, that's a new one ... how much more space can a guy have from someone he's never met and isn't even in the same city with?!

I suppose the only way he could perceive pushing and suffocating is if you're pushing for a visit or more phone calls or what have you ... but, you aren't even in the same city ... how much PRESSURE could he really be feeling?

Sorry, but ... yes, I think he's pulling away. Which, all things considered, is probably for the best. LDRs are tough enough ... but, nearly impossible to establish a relationship that starts out as long distance ... no foundation to build upon, very hard to get to know a person.

Look for guys a little closer to home ... much better chance for something meaningful to happen.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 11:59pm
heya..girls...
got news..for u..all..
we worked things..out..and i talked to him..he was just doing a "guy" thing..by pulling away..and now we are back together..am flyin to meet him..on 7th..to his city..
and oh ya..after the small..little panic attack i had...i am ok now..and we both are more caring..and loving than before..
Cheeeeeeeeers
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 9:16am

Dear Dr. Nila:

LDRs are particularly fraught. Men place so much more emphasis on a women PHYSICALLY than we do. We can actually begin to bond and develop mental chemistry and connection and even get emotionally invested through email and texting.

Your guy did not bond. He may have met someone else online who is closer to home and more available. My advice would be to let this one go. With your next guy, pick someone reasonably commutable to and establish an in-person meeting early.

If you're really stuck on this guy you've never met, then you really need to look inward and heal your heart. It might help to realize that the harsh facts that there was no real relationship (and there never can be without the physical interactions to complete the picture).

On the mars venus message boards, there are several threads dedicated to online dating, so I hope you will come join that discussion too. There's a ton of wisdom and support out there! beyondmeasure

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 4:54pm

While I'm happy that you and he talked and you feel you've worked things out with him alredy, just keep in mind this one thing:

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2006
Sun, 05-07-2006 - 1:32am

Hi Dr. Nila,

Glad to hear you got it all worked out! That's great and I'm sure you feel much better. But, just be careful and go at your own pace. Take your time getting to know each other better. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

If you don't mind, I'd like to ask your opinion of something. I see you mentioned that you are a dentist. If you had a patient that you really liked, would you consider dating him? Or, is that sort of thing out of the question because of the business relationship? If it would be out of the question because of the business relationship, then would you consider dating him if he wasn't your patient anymore? Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 7:31pm

hi there..
you guys...were totally rite..
i had to let that online guy go..and yes..he has..met sum1 more closer to his home..
and though i was..saaaaaaaaaad..and blue..
i am healing..and i got in touch with an old guy friend..
who is also..closer to me..both as a friend..and lives..in the same city..
and we both are dentists..so we have common ground..
and he's been my best friend for past 2 years..and we bond a lot..
he's been asking a lot abt me to my classmates..
ie the guys who went to dental school..with me..
and then when last week i spoke to him after a year..he was..overjoyed to hear..
that i am still available..and i still like to talk to him..
well..oh well..i guess...it's better to stick closer to home..don't u think..
now..me and my dentist friend..are planning to start a practice together..
and he wants to work with me again..
(we had worked before together for 1 year in 2004)
and after that..
i changed my hospital..and though we couldn't meet..we kept it a point to keep in touch..thru calls..visits..and texts..
i thought that he isn't interested..in me..
when in fact..whenever i call..he is interested in my life..
He's always been there...for me..and i can count on him..
espl if am upset or sad..he makes..it a point to hear me out..
and offers..solutions....quietly...and makes me smile..
and asks me abt my job,my family..and also...my brother(he's also a dentist)
and this guy has met my mom and bro..he has..treated mom for her dentures..
so..my family kinda..likes..him..
and now after 2 years..
he's still askin my friends abt me??
even if i haven't kept in touch for past one year??????????????
now..wats in his mind?
i am getting mixed signals...
;)

Edited 5/22/2006 10:34 pm ET by dr.nila




Edited 5/22/2006 10:35 pm ET by dr.nila