is he falling for me or just using me

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2010
is he falling for me or just using me
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 7:18pm

Is this guy falling for me or trying to avoid me?
the story is long but here it is

I have been friends with this guy for about 3 years and was dating and living with my ex at the time. About 2 years ago, we started having sex once and awile when things got bad with my ex. During this period, this guy made comments about wanting to be with me and me telling him the same thing. We talked on the phone alot and met up once and a wile for friends with benefits type sex.

So about 4 months ago I finally left my ex. I am 24 and this guy is 34. He has been married once but has no kids and left because she was unfaithful and he has been alone for 5 years that ive known him because he has been hurt so much. So these past 4 months is what is getting me so mixed up. I have had deep feelings for him for at least a year now. These past 4 months we have met up for sex and talk on the phone. I havent specifically asked him how he feels for me. But like the past 2 months the sex has changed. Our sex for the last 2 1/2 years was quick so not to get caught and just fun sex nothing specific. Lately though when we meet up, he acts different. When we meet for just other types of sexual fun, he is all of a sudden kissing my neck, getting closer like grabbing me and leaning real close on me to kiss my neck. During actual sex, it is also seems more intense like kissing my neck and body, doing whatever possible to get me to get off, if he is having a hard time getting an erection, i see in his eyes frustration. During sex, he also has lately been staring deep in my eyes.

Even the other day he pushed me up against my car touching me staring deep in my eyes. Another time we were in the woods and I got leafs in my hair and he took every one of them out of my hair for me. When i call, if i need anything, money to borrow-he lets me. If I need help with something, he will come to help. and he will call me when he needs help.

The only problem I have is are these signs that he is getting a stronger emotional feelings for me? Because after every one of these meets we have, he then avoids calling me or taking my calls for a few days after. Then after those few days he will answer my calls, or call me back from a message, and we will talk sometimes for an hour or so about everything.

My main question is is this man falling for me and avoids me after these emotional and physical encounters out of fear of those feelings he has and maybe is scared I dont feel like he does and backs down during those days.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 9:18am

If you haven't had an exclusivity talk, is it possible that he is with other women when he doesn't take your calls and doesn't call you? A man who is interested in a long term relationship doesn't avoid calls from his woman.

Sex is important and joyous in a relationship, but it sounds like that is the entire focus whenever you two meet. By your post, it doesn't sound like you go on dates to the movies and dinner, etc. It's also important in a relationship to have fun together without sex--to engage in conversation about anything you two are interested in--to be a well-rounded companion in the relationship, not just a sex toy.

If you want this relationship to progress, you need to start doing things together besides having sex. Have a discussion with him and see how he feels about you two. If he scares off because you want more than him, then he's not ready to be serious at this time in his life, and it's best you know now before investing more time into something that's going nowhere.