Is He Losing Interest--Again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2011
Is He Losing Interest--Again?
7
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 6:42am
My boyfriend and I are back together after two previous breakups--due to sheer frustration--that were at my instigation.
I am wondering, again, if I should break up with him for good. Initially, he is responsive and affectionate and showers me with attention--text messages, emails, phone calls, XO's, ♥'s, etc. Gradually, within a few months, this tapers off to the occasional terse text message, i.e., "hi, how ya doin'," while my messages go unanswered. When I begin to question his indifference, I get the same two excuses: his work schedule and his lack of funds. He has told me throughout our relationship that he likes the fact that I am "classy," while he is "just a jeans and tee shirt kind of guy." The last time we were together, he asked if I would start wearing heavier makeup and "sluttier" clothes when we were alone--a first. He also told me that the long drive to see me was "so worth it" and that he would "do it again and again without a second thought." However, I received a recent email from him in which he complained that it cost him nearly $100 in gas to drive out my way to see me. He neglected to ask how much I had shelled out for the evening--$120, which included the hotel room, some very nice wine, my gas cost, and a beautiful necklace that it had taken me three days to make for him. (I am a jewelry metal smith.) He asked, when I gave it to him, if the necklace would turn his neck green. At the end of that particular evening, he got in his truck and drove away, leaving me to clean the snow off my car alone in a deserted area late at night. He has told me that he loves me, but I don't feel very loved. As a matter of fact, I suspect that he doesn't want to see me anymore and is trying to instigate another breakup. I would very much appreciate your thoughts on this, because I am completely confused!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 10:29am

I'm not sure what you're holding on to. How long have you been dating one another?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2011
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 11:14am

Almost a year...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 12:08pm

I hate to be so simplistic... But if you're with someone who doesn't make you feel loved, you're in the wrong relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 12:30am

IMHO, this is definitely a "next!" His actions are more telling than his words. For some men, talk is cheap - they will sling around "I love you" but the actions don't correlate with the words. Very confusing, when you are in the midst of it. But simply put, it sounds like this guy's words and actions don't match up. The "attention" you mention having in the initial stages really isn't THAT much effort for him...how easy is it to send an email or text...and the things that DO require effort (driving to see you, setting boundaries with his budget and work to make this relationship work) - he's whining about.

His response to your handmade present is esp. unfortunate! I would move on...it will be his loss...there are plenty of men out there that will happily receive a fun, classy, creative lady.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Sat, 02-12-2011 - 7:37pm

I liked undercovercrabs straight to the point answer.

And I second that thought.

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 02-14-2011 - 12:22pm
Yeah, if you aren't feeling loved, especially after one YEAR, then it's time to move on!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2010
Wed, 03-16-2011 - 5:03pm
Wow, this sounds a LOT like the relationship I just broke off! And I haven't looked back or thought back since. As much as it sucks to be broken up, it sucks even more to be in this cycle of unlove for who knows how long. I had been in one for over a year and he broke it off with me and devestated me for months. Then he kept coming back until I couldn't TAKE it anymore. I then found myself in a similar type relationship that began this past December. I broke it off because I wasn't going to allow myself to go through it again. Shortly thereafter, a dear friend who I've been in love with for a long time told me he felt the same way and we've emarked on a relationship that is what I can only describe as a fairy tale. When one door closes, another opens. Don't miss your opportunity on someone who isn't giving you what you need emotionally.

Good luck! I guarantee you won't regret breaking it off...