is he lying??? i need to know

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2005
is he lying??? i need to know
5
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 12:59am
okay, i have been dating this guy for a year or a little more. lately our relationship has been a little rocky because of a few things, and for some reason, i sensed he was flirting with this girl from work. i asked him about it 100 times. tonight he had a work party to attend and it happened to be on my corner! go figure. i knew i wasn't going to see him after the party since i would be with my daughter that evening. anyway, i go to walk my dog at 10 pm and i see them leaving the party together. they live a couple of blocks within each other and sometimes commute home from work together. anyway, i see them leaving the party together so i call his cell phone and he doesn't answer. i watch as they walk towards the park (which is where they would catch their bus) and i call him a half hour later. i knew he wasn't on the subway yet because when he is on the subway the phone only rings a certain amount of times. so i try again in a half hour and he still isn't on the subway. now i have a feeling he is in the park with her! then i call an hour later and i can tell by the ring he is now on the subway. so he gets home an hour and 45 minutes after i see him. his commute is 40 mins. so i call him at home and i ask if there is anything he wants to tell me. he says, what are you asking how the party was. i said, what did you do after the party??? he told me he went for a walk through the park with this girl. she was talking to him and asking about his relationship with me. she told him that before she found out he had a girlfriend (she just started there recently) she had developed a crush on him. he told her while he finds her cute and really nice, he loves me so much, he has so much respect for me, and he could never be with her. why talk about that for an hour in the park???? he said they were talking about a lot of things. anyway, he told me it felt really good to tell someone the story of our relationship and talk about how much he loves me. i asked why the hell he wasn't answering his phone and he said it was in his backpack on vibrate. he swore up and down nothing happened. not even a kiss. he said he has so much love for me, and he was so happy to tell me the story and couldn't beleive i was freaking out but he could understand. i don't know what to thinkl i want to beleive him but its a hard sell.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 2:56am

I'd have been freaking out, too.

Did you tell him how it made you feel? The phone in the back pack thing has happened to me my phone, my backpack.

THis girl he was walking with has some nerve...

If it were me I'd watch that like a hawk but take him for his word. I've known guys that are just that clueless, but thery are not as common as guys that might be players.

Can you tell him that you feel evening strolls with nosy girls are not a part of what you bargained for? He should respect that. If this girl was his sister okay.

I had a bf take a good friend's wife for a boat ride at sunset onc while i was left at hime with my kid. I was so steamed. I don't think he was doing enything in appropriate with her but it was totally cluelss of him. He had no idea what I was upset about.

How compassionate was this guy when you quizzed him? Did he minimize it or did he understand why you thought what you did? I don't think you're being wrongfully jealous.

If he loves you so much it seems he would have stopped by your place. I wonder why that wasn't planned, is he not supposed to meet your daughter or something yet?

Other people on the forum might have a lot to say. Good luck! You're guy is either a cluelss sweetie or a cheat, you know him best!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2005
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 3:30am
in my divorce agreement i have agreed no men at my place for the first two years. both ex dh and i agreed on that one. he was very VERY compassionate about my jealousy and was so understanding and calm, which is unlike him because usually he is defensive when i question him about anything. do you think compassion about the topic is a good thing. in fact, he told me he was really confused, he said such nice things about me, so respectful and i was being so hard on him. the thing that makes me the most angry is that when she said she had a crush on him he said he liked her too. he thought she was cute, so sweet, so nice, but he liked her as a friend because he loved me. why did they have to go into the park and discuss it? ugh, and why SIT??? why not keep walking through the park as you talked?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 9:21am

He might be very cluelss, but the girl he was walking with may be pushing him. You know if he's clueless, she might be able to see that an make easy game of him. I just don't know what I'd do, I try never to issue ultimatums, but in your head where is the line?
Should he be free to walk home with his neighbor/friens if she's a girl. Probably.

Kiss her, hold her hand? NO WAY! When you are calm cool and collected, and before anything does happen, or you find out that something did hppen, maybe in a cooperative way go over what having an exclusive relationship with him means to you and to him. Explain that you need to do this so you don't get hurt.

About your divorce greement, I've never heard of a restriction like that. I assume no women at his place either? Is that for the protection of the child to make the transition easier? Nome of my business here, but I am curious.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2005
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 9:27am

yes about the divorce agreement. and sorry, its only when child is in the home that weekend, etc.

is it too much to ask that he doesn't commute with this girl and he remove her number from his phone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-1998
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 11:24pm
Hello...I completely understand how you feel, and the thought of what may have been said boggles you in and out...It obviously bothers you alot, as would alot of people...Anyhow, I think that you and your boyfriend need to layout the rules of what is to be tolerated and not out of "respect"...and when I mean "respect" its the full definition and not to be taken as insecurities,or jealous...but the respect that the other you or the other person should never ever have to put each other in a position where you have to exercise your trust or jealousy...and that you have a unbreakable bond/respect for each other things that "may" or "can" even in the slightest way cause you/him to ever feel less #1 etc, should never ever come across to even doing in other words..."be safe" not to have done this or that...because you take comfort in knowing that the both of you think of each other at all times...Otherwise,he needs to deal with you feeling bad inside that maybe you weren't the person he was talking to at the park, etc...I hope this helps...Let me know