He may be more "serious" than I am
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|Tue, 02-16-2010 - 6:13pm|
This is probably the reverse of the usual message on this board. It is also a message I am surprised to be writing. I really like this guy. I like being with him, and I want him to stay around for a long time.
It's just that I don't see myself entering into the kind of domestic relationship (marriage?!) that he seems to have in mind for the long run. This isn't because I am opposed to ltr/marriage in principle but because I don't think we are right for each other in that way. So my dilemma is whether to discuss this with him at this point (which may be too soon) or to go on as we are and maybe hurt him by "leading him on."
The situation: we are both in our fifties, divorced, with college age kids. We dated for about a month before we became intimate, and through it all he was patient, charming, etc. He agreed to become exclusive before we became intimate, and in many ways the relationship has been ideal. Except that I don't think I'd like living with him, and he's hinted that this is where it is going.
The reason I don't think we are right for living together/marrying is that he is more traditional than I am--he is used to being the breadwinner and the wife being the homemaker. I'm a career woman and now that the kids are grown I don't see any need to focus on homemaking. Right now he may say that he will adapt, but I am not sure.
The bottom line is that I can go on like this indefinitely. If he likes it like that, great. If he is going to want more, we should part. So-- when is a good time to discuss all this? I don't want to be premature (and maybe presumptuous) but I don't want to be unfair to him either.
(Edited for clarity.)
Edited 2/17/2010 4:20 pm ET by dabela