He messaged me this morning

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
He messaged me this morning
24
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 10:16am

If you read my earlier posts (look for my user name) you'll get the history. For the thread w. 63 posts, you only need to read the few last ones to see what happened.

Anyway, he messaged me on MSN this morning. What the he**? He was just being super casual about it, until I decided I had never got the answers to the questions I had, because his change in attitude & decision to break up were so radical, just a few days after I told him I was falling for him.

So I basically cornered him, I think he probably regrets ever initiating this morning's conversation.. ;) needless to say I didn't get many answers, he is good at dodging my questions. That was difficult for me, this whole getting in touch with him again after the breakup. It really twisted the knife in the wound.

I just wonder what could have prompted him to contact me?!?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 2:05pm

Hi Bollabing

Nice to hear from you again. I'm not bitter anymore. And I can understand that he did the right thing by letting me go. However my eyes are more opened now as to the red flags that were presenting themselves.

I do continue to think that he was a taker, always eating and sleeping at my house, the few times I went to his house never offered me anything to eat or nothing. Yes maybe he cared about me as much as he possibly can, but looking at his track record, he might not be boyfriend material after all. He did cheat on his wife with whom he only stayed for 3 years, and at 45 that I think was his longest-term relationship. He was also quite narcissistic, liked to show-off, etc. I don't know how long I could have put up with all this stuff. Very selfish ( I won't go into the intimate stuff in detail, but again there - he was thinking of himself, and not respecting my wishes ) . Maybe yes what he did by letting me go was not selfish, but the fact that he left me just when he found someone new makes me question his motives. He kept me in the picture and as soon as he found someone else, he dumped me. Not very nice, no matter how selfless it was for him to 'not lead me on'.

Anyway no sense in wondering - if we had stayed together - what could have been.. cuz it's not the case. Yes maybe if I had not been his rebound maybe it might have worked, maybe if I hadn't told him I was falling for him maybe we would still be together, but there are too many maybes, and it shouldn't be that complicated. You either like each other and want to be together, or you don't. Right?

Anyway enough about him, now I'm taking things one day at a time with the new 'prospect', see where this takes me. I find him attractive, but not as gorgeous as my ex. However I do believe that after a while personality shows through and makes a person more / less beautiful depending on how they are with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 7:36pm

Personally, I think it is healthier.

Don't be surprised if that animalistic side still comes out. The attraction might not have been immediate but it heated up plenty once we were completely comfortable with each other. ;-)

Just try to relax abd continue to let things come naturally, the best things do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 10:02am

Thanks Nick, I hear ya.

I wouldn't be surprised either. He is very sexual, and very touchy-feely, but I have told him that I needed more time. Lucky for me he is very respectful and told me he does not need the sex right away, however wants us to meet somewhere in the middle ha ha.

But if he continues to treat me as he does, I wouldn't be suprised if I became butter in his hands in no time ha ha. Plus with him I don't feel we're playing head games, I'm not afraid to express myself for fear of losing him, or not always trying to please him so he likes me. Cuz I know he already does, like me for me. And it is sooo simple with him, I know I can plan things with him that I couldn't with the other one, and I'm not afraid to make suggestions for fear of scaring him off etc.

We're planning on spending tomorrow afternoon (I'M off) at the beach & perhaps the evening together as well. That will be a good way to enjoy each other's company and get a better idea of where it's going I think.

Thanks again for your tips. I too think it is healthier. It certainly is much less stressful! ha ha.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 11:20pm
Rapunzele, I have followed your story and I'm glad that things are going good or you now :) I would caution you though, don't let him pressure you into sex before you are ready. The reason I say this is because you mentioned that he is already talking "sex" after just two dates. Too soon in my opinion. Make him wait for it.

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