is he the one?
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| Fri, 09-16-2005 - 10:32am |
about 3 months ago i met a great guy and we hitted off straight away. at the beginning of the relationship he did all the pursuing by calling everyday and messaging me on my mobile. he asked me to be his gf and introduced me to his mum (he is the only son of a single parent family). we talked about the future together and he thinks that i might be "the one" for him and we talked about marriage and moving into his place feb next year. everything was going well until one day he started to have arguments with his mum about his independence and then everything seems to go downhill from then. he seems really down and says he has a lot of issues to sort out with his mum and work as she is very dependent on him and i would be expected to live together with her when we get married. he seems to be distant and don't want me to get involved and wanted to "take a break" as he feels he has too much on his plate at the moment as he works 2 jobs and is basically exhasted. he also says that while he has the arguments with his mum he was also considering our relationship and where it is going and he is not sure about the future anymore. he says maybe we think differently sometimes and what would happen in the future if we have kids and how would that affect the upbringing for them.
i am devastated. it's been a month since we had the last discussion and i haven't spoken to him since. i was really angry last time so i told him not to bother when he says he wanted to "stays friends" and see what happens. he says he doesn't want me to wait for him as he feels that would be unfair for me. i don't understand how he can be so in love then all of a sudden break it off. i am so confused and hurt and i don't know what to do anymore. i don't want to give him pressure but then i dont' want him to think that i am being unreasonable and don't care anymore. what do u think i should do? thanks for all your inputs! greatly appreciated.

If I'm reading your post correctly, you were only together for two months (you say you met him 3 months ago and haven't talked for a month), is that right? I think that anyone who talks about marriage so quickly doesn't have a clue what real love and commitment are. The two of you barely *knew* each other!
As the reality of the relationship set in, he realized he couldn't live up to the fantasies he'd spun, so he pulled away.
I would move on. I don't think he was ever really in love, but rather infatuated. That is not a reflection on YOU in any way, shape or form, it's just that love takes time and knowledge of the other person.
Sheri
In the rare cases when people meet and marry right away and it actually works out, it's because the initial infatuation DID turn to love over time....they lucked out, in other words.
"We just knew" is only true in 20/20 hindsight. There are plenty of people who THOUGHT they "just knew" and it turned out they were wrong...but you don't hear those stories because they aren't "romantic".
Sheri
I believe in that 100%
That seems like an example of the 20/20 hindsight I'm talking about ;-). It worked out (at least for the time you were together), so that confirms your feeling that you "knew".
Sheri