He put the relationship on hold
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He put the relationship on hold
| Sun, 04-09-2006 - 11:52pm |
Hello. About 4 weeks ago, i went out on a date to just have drinks. I wasn't expecting to start anything because in 2 weeks, i had to leave to boston (i'm from chicago) for 2 months for work. We clicked and for those 2 weeks, we spent every day with each other. I wasn't working, and since he was in school, these were long days that made the relationship grow so close so fast. I'm 30 and have been dating enough people to know what's right, and some how, this guy hit it on the nail. i know i love him, but i can't say it yet.
It's been only a week since i've been away and he told me that he wants to see another girl and to put our relationship on hold. he said that he doesn't deal with distance very well. Funny, when i accepted that and said that I should see people too, he hated the though of that. He still very much likes me and cares, which is just confusing me even more on this.
That news broke my heart, but i have to accept that he should do his own thing. Now, when i get back, 2 things can happen, 1. he's still with her and i get even more heart broken or 2. He's not with her and we are meant to be.
I told him today that it should be best that we don't talk for awhile because it just hurts too much, again, he didn't like that decision, but i had to make it for my own sanity.
I've never been in this situation and honestly can't understand his actions for doing this. I love him and see myself with him until i am old. Is this worth the heart ache? Can anyone share some situations like mine?
Edited 4/9/2006 11:56 pm ET by kitten60610
It's been only a week since i've been away and he told me that he wants to see another girl and to put our relationship on hold. he said that he doesn't deal with distance very well. Funny, when i accepted that and said that I should see people too, he hated the though of that. He still very much likes me and cares, which is just confusing me even more on this.
That news broke my heart, but i have to accept that he should do his own thing. Now, when i get back, 2 things can happen, 1. he's still with her and i get even more heart broken or 2. He's not with her and we are meant to be.
I told him today that it should be best that we don't talk for awhile because it just hurts too much, again, he didn't like that decision, but i had to make it for my own sanity.
I've never been in this situation and honestly can't understand his actions for doing this. I love him and see myself with him until i am old. Is this worth the heart ache? Can anyone share some situations like mine?
Edited 4/9/2006 11:56 pm ET by kitten60610

I'm with your boyfriend with not being able to do long distance. It's certainly not for all of us and kudos to him for speaking up early.
When I first met my DH, he was due to go away with work for a few months. However, he decided that he and I getting a chance to build on something wonderful was more important to him than this contract. So, he resigned from his job and stayed in the same city as me. You see, it's all about priorities. And at present your work has a higher priority for you than your relationship.
I think that it's quite fair for your boyfriend to put the relationship on hold, especially considering that by moving away you've shown him that his not your #1 priority. It's not his fault that you're moving away and therefore it would be unfair of you to expect him to wait for you.
I had no choice to leave for 2 months to train. it's only 2 months, he knew that before i met him. i was out of a job for like 8 months, so for me to not take a job is not only a matter of prirority, but survival.
does it get easier? i know it's only been a day from not talking with him, and i literally feel sick to my stomach.
should i just tell him i love him and put my heart on the line or do just try to get him out of my mind for now.
To be honest, if he's already dating someone new - I'd say that your feelings weren't reciprocated. It would appear that he's already moved on quite easily.
I'd say that you need to save your dignity and let him call you :-)
I had a similar situation; however, I met this guy while my mother and I were flying in town for the Christmas holidays to visit my sister and her family. He worked in the airport as a police officer and while we were getting our baggage, he kept eyeing me and finally said something to me. We exchanged numbers and we ended up hanging out on Christmas Eve getting to know one another. I am from New Jersey and he is from Missouri, so what a distance right? Well he is 37 and I'm 32. He seemed to know exactly what he's looking for and had no problem telling me how distance didn't play a part in anything he was seeking, if he really wanted it bad enough. Needless to say, all of that talk has changed his tune. He used to call me everyday and talk about how he wanted us to be together and all, and even though I began to get strong feelings for him, I wouldn't tell him because it's only been 4mos. But now he don't call as often and the next time I will see him will be the end of May. I flew back out to see him in January and he came to see me in March.
I am not good with the distance and I commend your other half for being so upfront about his feelings towards a distant situation; however, it's not like you were going to be gone for a long time, so I seriously think that he could have waited 2mos. to see how he felt then.
Update:
Well, the whole us trying not to talk to each other didn't work. I couldn't hold it in and told him that i loved him. it felt good because i got it off my chest. I didn't expect anything back. He was taken back by that. Last Sat, when he broke the news to me, he just told me that who knows what will happend when I get back. He even wanted us to talk less and not be as close.
Well, today we agreed to work it out and things have changed for the better. I guess he's starting to feel hurt too because i have decided to see someone while I'm here in Boston. He's becoming insecure like me and ill when he thinks about me on a date. He finally realizes that he's not ready to lose me. He want's me to get a webcam now, so we can see each other when we chat. And, he wants me to immediately go to the OBGYN for oral concraceptives because it will come into effect when i come home. (just got insurance with new job)
Even though we are going to see these people, i made sure that we both have to make a conscious effort to not talk about it. It hurts, but at least I now know that he wants me back when I get home. Funny thing, all of his best friends think he's wrong for doing this and that I am a better fit for him. Anyway, maybe this will bring us closer because he will realize that i'm not one to let go. And if not, then we are not meant to be.