is he ready to really commit?
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 07-02-2005 - 10:13am |
Hi all-
Happy 4th to everyone!!! I'll try to not go into alot of detail here but my bf is really starting to get me a little bit confused. We have dated for a little over a year and both of us have been married in the past. Well-for the first 9 months or so of our relationship he'd always say he wasn't wanted anything serious,etc. Knowing that I was looking for that.
The past few days-things have really been interesting. We were on our way to dinner and he saw the apts that I was looking at and asked me what those shacks were(really they aren't bad its old military housing) so I said what they were and he said you might just have to move into(his address) so I said pardon me? and he was like you heard what I said. Then again at the restaraunt he mentioned it again.
Ok-yesterday we were talking to each other on the phone,bf had just gotten back from a family thing and was filling me in on his family and how he wants so much to be married again and have more kids,etc. He asked me if I ever thought of getting married again and I'm like yeah-all the time I think about it. He thought I hadn't and I said no-you were the one who always said you weren't ready,didn't want that much committment. And he said I never said that-you must be watching to many soaps-lol. I told him I was starting to get "good enough for now but not forever syndrome" and he said(in a joking way) one thing in life you need to learn young lady is to be able to read people better. I said I thought I read what you had been saying pretty well-you were reading me wrong. So-the truth about how I really feel about re-marrying is out now.
So-is he finally starting to come out of his shell? I know he had a talk with his dad the other day about how he is tired of being single and that his dad told him its a tough decision or am I reading to much into it?
Sorry its so long and TIA-
Doreen

He didn't say he wanted to marry YOU.
He's also just dropping the idea of living together, which is tantamount to playing house. Living together is only that, it's not marriage.
Until something actually happens, yes, you're reading too much into it.
I think he means that he's interested in marriage and it could be you and then it might not be. He's lonely for a wife and maybe the fact he's saying he would like you to move in with him means he's taking you as an option as a wife. I think moving in together is just a way of seeing how you two would be in the long run. Be sure you want to be that close to him before saying yes to moving in with him. Hope I helped!
Steph
Don't focus on what he wants or needs. Focus on what you want and need. Do you love him and want to spend the rest of youor life with him? Would moving in with him be good for you? Those are the questions to answer.
My fiance was always dropping hints about getting married or moving in, but ultimately I was always the one to be direct about it AFTER I had figured out what I wanted.
If you've thought about it and you WANT to move in with him and you think it would be a good healthy choice for you, then reopen the subject, directly. Just say to him, "The other day when you casually hinted at us living together, were you serious about that? Was it an offer? Because if it was I'd like to give it more consideration."
If he's for real, being direct for a few minutes will give you the answers you need without all the heartache and hassle of trying to "figure it out" analyzing his words and behavior on your own or with the help of an army of girlfriends.