Is he still married ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Is he still married ?
7
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 8:06pm
hi everyone , im new here but im really lovin this place you girls and guys make me feel comfy. well heres my story i met this guy about a little more then a month ago and he's really cool. when i met him he told me he was divorced but about a week ago he told me that he was seperated. i dont want to play games i have a 1 year old daughter who i adore and im looking for someone a serious relationship who will want to be a father figure to my dd .he also has to kids of his own but they live with his ex. will let me get to my point he never calls me when he says he will, hes always busy , oh yeah and he has flaked on me 2 times. i also have never met any of his friends and we only see each other during the weekdays while he's on call at work. but come weekend hes nowhere to be found when i do try to call he doesnt pick up . oh yeah one more little thing i already had sex with him ( 2 weeks after we meet )The thing about this is that the little time a do spend with him he makes me feel good about my self something my ex never did.i dont know what to do any more i like him very much but i know i deserve someone who will give me attention, love and support when i need it . please give me some advice any adivce thanks for reading and good bless.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 9:06pm

oh, honey ... not only is he not divorced or seperated ... leo, this guy is Married (capital M) ... still married.

Case in point:
<< he never calls me when he says he will, hes always busy >>

Ok, single guys do this too ...so, this alone doesn't mean he's married ... but DOES mean he's not good at doing what he says he'll do, which means he's not reliable, which mean he's not going to be a very good BF or "father figure."

<>

With no phone call in advance? And he gets off the hook because "he's busy?" Again, not reliable.

<< i also have never met any of his friends >>

While it's not uncommon to not meet friends right away, I'd say after a month or so, if he's available ... he'd start bringing you around to his friends. Any guy who is INTO YOU will WANT his friends to meet you!

As for why this is a sign that he's still married ... well, obviously, if he's married he's not going to introduce you to his friends, whom know his wife! If he's AT ALL hesitant, upon your suggestion to meet his friends, that's a clue.

<< we only see each other during the weekdays while he's on call at work.>>

While he's working? You haven't been out on any dates? Does he take you out? Weekdays only on someone else's time (his employer's time) means that he's NOT available outside of THIS time ... which most likely means that he's got someone else at home that would be suspicious if he weren't home. Catching my drift?

<< but come weekend hes nowhere to be found when i do try to call he doesnt pick up .>>

Most likely because he's with his wife and kids. He doesn't pick up his phone because he can't talk to YOU while she's around. Bad news, hon.

<< i know i deserve someone who will give me attention, love and support when i need it . >>

He can't even give you an afternoon or evening on the weekend or keep his word to call you, and you're wanting attention, love and support from him ... sorry, he's not available for that. He is, however, available for sex when if it's convenient for him, on his time and his terms, right?

Have you been to his home? Do you have a home phone number? If not, it's definitely because he's married.

Lastly, and here's the kicker << when i met him he told me he was divorced but about a week ago he told me that he was seperated.>>

He's already lied to you, telling you that he was divorced, and then switched his story. Why oh why oh why are you still giving him the time of day!!?? He lied up front about his marital status. D-O-N-E ... to the curb ... a guy who does that doesn't get a second chance ... that's a HUGE lie. (and let me guess, he didnt switch his story until AFTER you had sex, right?)

You DO deserve better, but if you believe that a little attention, a little "feeling good about yourself" from this guy is good ENOUGH ... you'll never know how much better it really CAN be ... this is WAY below what you deserve ... but, you have to believe you deserve it.

He's married. Sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2005
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 9:31am
starbuck70 could not have said it any better. Don't give this dope any more of your precious time!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 11:48am

GET RID OF HIM! If you don't do it for yourself, do it for your daughter. He is obviously still married or at least not "separated". Why do you want to be with someone who is not giving you the attention you deserve.

If you really want a role model for your daughter, how about you doing the right thing and devote your time to her instead of this guy who is obviously hiding something. This way you become your daughter's role model, which is a woman who is strong enough to walk away from a situation that she knows is not healthy.

Also, in the future you should really reconsider sleeping with someone who you only have been with for two weeks. With all the diseases out there you don't want to expose yourself to them especially since you are a single mother. I really hope you haven't brought him around your daughter.

BABY #3!!
 
Pregnancy ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 4:17pm

I think starbuck is probably right.

In addition to that though, consider this... even if she was wrong, is this really the type of man you would WANT to have a serious relationship with?

A man who who only makes time for you when it's conveient to him... who blows you off... who ignores your calls...

Try to be brutally hinest with yourself and think about this: "thing about this is that the little time a do spend with him he makes me feel good about my self something my ex never did" Is it POSSIBLE that the reason you find yourself attracted to this man, the reason you had sex with him, is more about the fact he does something for you your ex didn't do then about the man he REALLY is? Is it POSSIBLE you are allowing your desire to be around someone who makes you feel good cloud your judgement about who this person REALLY is? Is it POSSIBLE that the baggage from your past is interfering with your judgement in the present? IS it POSSIBLE that your ex has left you feeling somewhat insecure and in need of an ego boost and that PERHAPS that needy part of you is willing to put blinders on to all the negative, undesirable character traits this man is showing you just to get a temporary emotional high?

If so, well join the club we've pretty much all been there and done that and welcome to the other side... the side that has learned to be brutally honest and is learning to use that knowledge to avoid these little love pitfalls.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2004
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 7:58pm

sorry.. but i completely agree with what everyone has been saying. i was with a guy earlier this year and he told me his last relationship ended months ago. I saw weird warning signs but i chose to give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him. what were the signs?

he wouldnt pick up when i called, or more likely, his phone was off. he would go outside when he had to make calls. i never met any of his friends. sometimes his stories would change- he would tell me he had to do something on one day.. that day would come and id ask him about it and hed say "ohh.. no.. you misheard me... i have to go do that tomorrow".... and the other big one: he would flake on me- and id get really clever excuses the next day..about how he dropped his phone on the street but luckily someone found it and returned it the next day, or his car broke down and he was out of cell phone service- he was also military so im sure he used that as an excuse all the time to bail on our plans

i wish i had gone with my gut in the beginning but instead i stuck around for several months only to find out in the end he had a girlfriend the entire time. if your instinct is telling you that he is married.. then he probably is.

i know the thing that caught me up the most was he was such a nice guy to me and treated me sooo great that i thought "theres no way a guy this nice could pull something like that... im just being paranoid". i wasnt, he was just a GREAT liar, manipulator, cheater.... etc- the list goes on. its amazing looking back now how him having a gf explains all of his weird behavior. dont waste any more time with this guy- you saw the signs early.. dont make the same mistake i did- move on and find someone who is worth it.

ps- sorry if this posts twice... the site went down right as i clicked to put it up so i reposted

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
Sun, 11-13-2005 - 12:11pm
Dear Sexy Leo, This guy is not for you. He has baggage, big baggage. Don't let him play you too. The fact that you only met him a month or so ago, red flag, you sound so longing for a relationship and he probably knows it.And it sounds like he's used to juggling a lot. This is too fast. You want a serious relationship don't jump for the first one who's there. Try not to let yourself latch on too fast.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
Sun, 11-13-2005 - 6:26pm

I am sorry to say but I dont think this is the type of guy you or your daughter need. I cant say that he is married still but some things that you have said dont add up. He only sees you when he is on call for work and never on the weekends and he doesnt even call or answer you calls then. Seems fishy to me. Have you confronted him about this? I would do that or just distance yourself from him, I know hard to do but it seems as he is getting what he wants from you without the commitment. Seems weird that you havent met any of his friends either. When you do spend time with him, do you go anywhere or stay in?

Can you please read my post and respond too, thanks....i need some advice...

brandy