Is he stringing me along?
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Is he stringing me along?
| Thu, 11-17-2005 - 12:18pm |
I meet a guy a few weeks ago over lunch. At lunch he tells me he is looking for a wife (he is 33 i 29) and that is is wanting to be with someone long term and wants to continue to see me and see if we are potential mates. The next night we go out with his friends and he and I end up sleeping together. We see each other a few more times then I don't hear from him for a few days. He makes plans with me then never calls. I run into him on Monday and he has lunch with me then invites me to the bar for monday night football. I go and once again we end up sleeping together. I ask him if we are dating or what is going on and he says it is too early to tell. That he enjoys being with me but isn't sure what he wants. I don't hear from him again for several days now. If he was really interested in a relationship or a wife wouldn't he make more attempts to talk and see me? Or should I just hang in there and see what happens? He told me in order to commit he most know that the female will be completely loyal and he hasn't felt that about me. I don't know how to make him feel comfortable or figure him out. He calls for days then backs off for days. Any advice? Should I just let it go?

I think and this is just me. That he is looking for wife and you are just not it. You are officially a someone to fill gaps and have sex with till he finds the woman he will really date. I would leave it at the door as he is not interested and move on.
Marie
I agree with the first poster.
However, I will say that a man who makes plans but then either fails to call or follow through (and does this repeatedly) definitely would not get another date.
I don't need the aggravation.
Heymum
P.S. Why not wait until after you've both determined an exclusive r'ship **with each other** is what you both want before sleeping with a man?
I agree with you. I was speaking with specificity to the issue of guys who call and make plans and then don't follow through. I don't expect anyone, much less myself, to jump into a r'ship head first. However, I do expect to be treated with respect just as I would with anyone else. Being that I'm in my early 40's, my tolerance level for crap is zero. I understand that sometimes things come up, but when I start to feel I'm being put-off or dissed, that's when I cut ties and say....NEXT!!
heymum
Hmmm, ok ... I have a theory here ... of course, others are free to disagree.
He said << he is looking for a wife (he is 33 i 29) and that is is wanting to be with someone long term and wants to continue to see me and see if we are potential mates.>>
Ok, fair enough. Upfront with what he wants (how refreshing!)
<< The next night we go out with his friends and he and I end up sleeping together.>>
Ok, so ... you slept with on the second "encounter" (since going out with friends isn't exactly a date, but ... he was probably sizing up how you related with his friends, which is important to a lot of guys).
BUT ... here's where the theory kicks in: since you slept with him so soon, your "potential mate" status was probably knocked down a few notches. Double standard? Sure! But, you see, while he was more than willing to sleep with you ... the "potential mate" he's got in mind would have said "I think we should wait until we get to know each other better."
In the meantime, if he enjoys your company and, of course, the side benefits, he's probably not going to mind keeping you around for said benefits.
And why do I think this MIGHT be his approach: << He told me in order to commit he most know that the female will be completely loyal and he hasn't felt that about me. >>
It might be that he hasn't felt that about you because you were willing to sleep with him so soon. So, he's wondering "does she sleep with everyone she dates on the second date?" (I don't mean this to sound harsh, but ... just putting it out there as a possibility in terms of his "screening process.") He may be questioning how "loyal" you would be if you were willing to have sex so soon.
For that reason, I think you may have been "demoted", for lack of better words, in terms of what he's looking for in a long-term partner. While it's ok for HIM to jump in the sack early on, he may be using that as a way to figure out what the girl is like ... and if she does, well then ... he's got a sex buddy (for now) ... but, probably not more than that.
As for << He makes plans with me then never calls. >>
When you say "makes plans" ... is he saying "let's do something Friday?" ... or "do you want to go to , ok ... pick you up at 7."
The latter is making plans ... the first is just putting the idea out there ... and more than likely, if he doesn't follow-up, that means he found something else to do. But, if it was an actual invitation, and he doesn't follow-up ... well, that just means he's unreliable ... and, why waste your time on someone unreliable, anyway?!
<< He calls for days then backs off for days. Any advice? Should I just let it go?>>
I think he's losing interest. Advice? Back off and see if he continues to pursue you. If he starts making plans with you again, with follow-thru, and without it being about sex ... then, you'll have a better idea of whether or not he's interested in YOU ... not just in the benefits.
Oh, and please don't mistake hanging out for Monday night football with his friends as "plans" ... if that's the extent of his invitations, that just means he likes you as a buddy ... a buddy whom he can sleep with ... but, that's not dating.
Good luck!