He wants "time alone"...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
He wants "time alone"...
2
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 8:25am

Iv never done anything like this before but right now i feel i have to. I really need opinions/help/advice/anything on a problem that i have right now. Please help! Im 20 years old and have been with my bf (now ex) for over 2 years (he's 21). We were soul mates, everyone around us said we were compatible and meant to be. Its important to note he's in the RAF and so his weekdays are committed to this. We only saw eachother on weekends so he didn't have much time to see friends. He recently turned 21 and started viewing life ina different way, he said he wanted to make the most of everyday and go out and do things that he's never done before so he doesn't look back on his life and regret things. A few weeks ago he came over and things weren't right, he seemed distant and i asked whether he was ok. He said that he felt really confused (he stressed how confused he was!) and at this time in his life he wanted to be by himself. Rather annoyingly, he said he loved me and he couldn't imagine himself being with anyone else. He also said that he wanted to stay friends! Im so confused because in my heart i feel as though he's going to come back in the near future and i cant seem to move on. I love him so much (how typical) and we have something so special. Iv been really strong about it though, i told him that i loved him and i'd always love him and haven't spoken since. I said i couldn't be his friend as he's always been more than that to me. He's been asking my mates about me, and saying he doesn't want me to find some1 else. Im giving him space which is the best thing. Id like to think this break as a test for our love, if he loves me he'll come back and we'll be stronger for it.

I'd really like people's opinions on this because i dont know what to think. I just want him back in my arms :(

Thank you so much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 10:04am
It's a hard thing to do, but did the right thing. You're respecting his wishes of wanting to do new things, but at the same time you're taking care of you by saying you can't be friends. Continue taking care of you and if he goes back to you and you feel that you want him back in your life then make the choice. In the mean time, you're doing what's good for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 11:42am

Of course you feel the way you do. He's the only adult relationship you've had thus far. It hurts. And it's gonna hurt. You'd be a robot if it didn't. But he's correct. You two are both very young, and the chances that this is the boy you'll spend the rest of your life with are very slim. I'm sure you don't want the whole "you're young, you'll find someone else, you need to live a little first, blahblahblah" schpeel but it exists in the first place because it's so true. Neither one of you really have enough life experience to bring to the relationship a whole and complete person. There's a reason the divorce rate is so much higher for those in their early twenties than any other age group. The person you are now isn't the person you will be in even 5 years. You need those five years (so does your BF, which is what he's expressing to you in wanting the "time alone") to really understand what it is you want in a husband. And what it is you will bring to the relationship as a wife.

It's heartbreaking I know, but he's decided to start figuring out who the adult virsion of him is, and you really would do yourself a favor to do the same. The teenager you (you got together as teens) wants the teenager him. The adult you might not want the adult him.

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