heartbroken...please help!!!
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heartbroken...please help!!!
| Sat, 05-28-2005 - 12:36am |
hey everyone, im a newbie on this board, but my guy and i just broke up tonight and he kept saying he wasnt sure if it was "meant to be" which is why when i saw this, i thought id come here and post. anyway, this guy is someone i have known for over a year, i kind of had a thing for him but was dating someone else at the time, we finally started dating but an ex came back in my life and confused me, but finally i got my head on straight about three months ago and we got together officially a couple weeks after that. i was so happy, figuring that he fought so hard for me and waited so patiently that he would continue to do so. i took advantage of it, i guess and would threaten to dump him when i didnt get my way, picking fights over the stupidest things. we just got back from vacation tonight, he took me to visit his grandmother halfway across the country. this past week was absolutely amazing. i started to realize that i love him and kept waiting for the right moment to tell him. but tonight things fell apart. my little brother graduates from high school tomorrow, and i asked him to come with me. he said he wasnt sure if he could because his parents wanted him to help them in their yard tomorrow and he feels guilty about not helping them out much lately. of course i pouted, said that it felt like he hates my family and he said if it was that important he would leave early from his parents and go with me. i told him i didnt want him to do something he didnt want to and not to bother. he said i acted like i expected him to spend every moment with me and i got offended and told him to take all the time he needs. that is how i left it. i got home and he called me an hour later. by then i had cooled off but he said that he didnt think it was supposed to be this hard and that he couldnt take all the fighting anymore and me dumping him all the time. so i cried on the phone for an hour, telling him that i didnt want him to feel like he should be with me and he said he didnt know what to do and maybe we werent meant to be. i want him back so badly!! i love him and i hate that i screwed this up and took advantage of him always being there for me! should i tell him ot should i just make it easy and let him go?

after all this, please leave the poor guy alone, i beg of you.
May I also add, you may think about therapy or reading a lot of self-help books. You sound like the typical passive agreesive type and well, as you saw, your attitude is just pushing ppl away. There's a reason you pushed him away, I'd start looking in the mirror and examining your own self and be real and fix all the things BEFORE you start to date someone else.
You want what you can't have. And when you have it, all you do is push him to his limits and push him away. That's not a r'ship, that's a person with r'ship issues. Go figure them out, so this won't be repeated.
BTDT, not easy, but well worth the journey.
~pineapple_girl
Reread your post. You are aware that what you were doing isn't right, that it's manipulative and unfair.
If he comes back are you going to be able to stop behaving that way and treat him with the respect he deserves or are you going to keep using threats and tears to manipulate and have your way?
Honestly, I do think it's best you let this one go and take a break to understand yourself a little better and figure out WHY you acted the way you did and how you can change your behavior and show more respect to a person you care about.
You've already taken the first step by realizing you were wrong to act the way you did. The next step is to figure out why, even though you knew it was wrong and selfish, you did it anyway. Maybe it was fear in which case figure out why you were afraid? Maybe it was insecurity in which address your insecurities.
You can get past this and have healthy good relationships, but you have to be willing to look inside and face things you may not like and then accept those things and learn to change what you think you should and learn to deal with the rest so it can't hurt you or others any more.
I know letting go is hard, but if you truly care about this guy you'll work on you more before you ask him to take you back, that way you can be the girlfriend he deserves. Even if he never takes you back you'll be MUCH better off in future relationships having worked through why you acted like a "drama queen".