help

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2005
help
7
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 5:16pm
My ex and I dated for two months.We liked each other a lot.He is really shy.We only dated for two months.We broke up because he took on more responibilities for his job and he wouldn't have time for a girlfriend.He told me that we can be friends again and if u ever need someone to talk to,I'm here for you.We still talked after we broke up.About three months ago,My best friend saw my ex at the mall.My ex asked me about me to my friend.Some of the questions,he asked me,if she's(me)dating anyone,how is she and what did i do for valentine's day.My friend told my ex i'm not dating anyone,she"s fine,and she didn't do anything for valentine's day.My friend told my ex me and him made a cute couple and he said really with a smile on his face,she asked him how come you never call Her(your ex.)he said i'm afraid,she will reject me.Another thing that my friend told my ex,She will verbally fight for you and he said really with a shocked face when my friend told him that.My friend said to my ex,she will not reject you.When my ex asked every question,my friend told me he looked so sad and he was asking every question twice.My ex told my friend that he doesn't have time for a girlfriend.The other night,I called my ex because I really needed to talk to him.Last night,he sent me an email saying," sorry i haven't called,i've been busy,getting my life in order and don't know how to tell u tell this,i sorta met someone,we talk,so i hope you are not too pissed.We talk.If u want to communicate with me,email me."This is the way to get a hold of me."I want to tell him i felt about him,i feel like i lost a friend.What should I do?Should I call him on the phone or email him?I want to tell him i how felt because i think you should tell people how they feel because you have to live to the fullest.Can u please help me?To me,he's worth it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
In reply to: joviwoman
Sun, 06-05-2005 - 3:33am

Hi Joviwoman,

I'm sorry to say that I don't think that there's much you can do in this situation.

Yes, you could tell him how you felt (I totally agree with you about being open and direct with others), however are you prepared to be rejected again?

He is seeing another woman, yet he told you that he didn't have time for a girlfriend...does that not tell you something? I'm not trying to be harsh, but it appears that he DOES have time for a woman, just not for you.

He may be interested in a friendship, as he does not seem to want to hurt your feelings, but to be honest I wouldn't waste my time and energy on someone who would not have the decency to tell me the truth. He took the easy way out (by breaking up with you with a lie which kept you from feeling hurt), then he made you feel as though there was still a chance for romance by telling you that he's there for you...aww how sweet...no wait, how pathetic, since it seems to be complete crap (imo...).

To give him the benefit of a doubt he MAY not have felt that he had time for a gf when he was with you, however this woman has made him WANT to make time for her in his life. That's not entirely his fault I suppose :OP.

The last thing that I'd like to point out is that he ONLY wants to communicate with you through emails. It seems as though he wants to keep you at a distance. He wants to limit your contact to a technological device through which you may not have the full benefit of seeing/hearing his tone of voice, or reactions, etc. All of which are very important in this type of situation.

You're not going to get what you want from this man, as he is not willing to provide you with anything.

This is just my opinion based upon what you have writen so far.

To me he is not worth it. *Hugs*!

Good Luck,
Yvy.

**Forgot to sum up my point :OP...:
I think that he wants to play the good guy role, and not have any hard feelings between the two of you. It may seem noble, but I find it to be rather rude and disheartening. Look at what he put you through by taking the easy way out: he becomes the nice guy who didn't have to feel guilty about breaking up with you, yet you still have feelings for him because you never experienced the true pain of your break up. It was a sugar coated ending, therefore it didn't seem like the inevitable: he just wasn't inetersted in continuing your relatinoship together.**




Edited 6/5/2005 3:41 am ET ET by poisonyvy
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2005
In reply to: joviwoman
Sun, 06-05-2005 - 5:52pm
I do not have feelings for my ex.He told me if there is anything that is is on my mind ever,don't be afraid to tell me.He also topld me that we can go out as friends.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
In reply to: joviwoman
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 1:11am

Hi again,

clearly I missed the point, but I think that I get what you mean now. You feel as though you've lost a friend and you want to contact him in order to tell him that you don't want to lose his friendship, correct?

If so, then go for it.

Personally I prefer the phone to an email any day, but since he specifcally asked you to email him -I got that from your initial post, if I'm wrong then ignore this :O)- I would email him your concerns.

Best Wishes :O),
Yvy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2005
In reply to: joviwoman
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 10:18am
Good Morning.One time,I did tell my ex that I feel liked that I lost his friendship.I told him this because I had this dream.He assured that this will not happen to us.Well,he emailed me on sunday am because earlier in the day,I sent him an eamil saying Can we hang out and then he emailed me back saying he will busy for the next two weeks,then he asked me whats going on.When I wrote him back,i did not answer him whats going on.I have this feeling that he knows something is going with me.I just got to work and there is a message on my work phone.I have this funny feeling that it was him.I'm going to email him,but I don't know how often he checks his email.He has a mobile sidekick,where u can email him.When i was dating,i paged him saying to check your email.Should I not email him??I feel like he really wants to start talking again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
In reply to: joviwoman
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 7:19pm

Go for it. I don't see why it would be a problem.

If a friendship is possible, which it seems to be, then keep in contact with him as much as you'd like :O).

Yvy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2005
In reply to: joviwoman
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 8:03pm
Thanks.I will email tommorrow morning.What if he gets mad at me if I email him.How would i know if I emailed him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
In reply to: joviwoman
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 1:45am

Why would he be mad? He was the one that told you that you could talk to him at any time, right?

Yvy.