Help me ASAP, I am going crazy...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2005
Help me ASAP, I am going crazy...
9
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 11:27am
Hey guys, I have a huge issue. I have been with my BF for almost 4 years. We have already lived together and sold the house, we have gone through a lot, but I was taught by my folks to give something everything you have. He told me this weekend that He wanted to still date me and take thing s day by day, but since it is summer, he doesnt want to feel guilty if I dont go out with him and his friends. I used to hang out with someof his friends before we dated, so it hurst me a little to not be included, together or not. I am hurting so badly right now. I also now that he has a lot of 'girl' friends and i wonder if since our talk on sunday, which he was so happy we had the talk and still told me that he loved me, if he has called and screamed out that he was available. I am going to say something to him just to make myself feel better, to the tune of, if you want to date or sleep with someone else during your 'time' but still want to see me, it's not going to happen, If you want to date someone else, then expect to never talk to me or see me again. And I am sucha control freak that I cant just let go for even a couple of days. I am soo sad, like i was defeated by something. He has come along way since we have dated, and he knows it. i fell like his friends and crappy family are influencing him. how do i handle this situation, do you thinkif i let go, even if he talks to other girls, he would miss me, what the heck do I do???? Please help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2005
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 11:40am

sounds like he is looking for some "space" or just wants to break up for the summer.
by what you stated here-He told me this weekend that He wanted to still date me and take thing s day by day, but since it is summer, he doesnt want to feel guilty if I dont go out with him and his friends.
if you call him and say what you stated- it sounds threatning and if you are just seeing each other and broke up a 4 yr relationship and you want to get back together with him i wouldnt say anything, i would go have a great time myself, and see how he responds, if you dont hear from him he may be moving on. if he does contact you play it cool(easier said than done)
i know it sucks to think that and it really hurts alot but there is no better medicine than your girls and your family to help you out. hang in there it will get better and easier i promise, i was going to get married a few years ago and we ended our 5 yr relationship i cried for days but in the long run we are really great friends now, i even became friends with his new girlfriend and we are actually happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 12:12pm
I'm going to try to tell you this without hurting you any more than you already are. I don't ever mean to hurt anyone's feelings. This guy is trying to break up with you and he's trying to let you down easy. NO ONE can really influence someone else. If he wants to really be with you, he's going to be no matter what anyone else has to say. He will defend you to the death. He wants time to hang out with his buddies and not feel guilty that he's not including you?? That's bull. He just doesn't want to feel guilty about breaking up and possibly trying to keep you on the hook in case something better doesn't come along. He might be wanting to see what else there is out there. Don't settle for less than a man who wants to be with YOU...no matter what other people might be telling him. Read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"...it addresses this kind of situation. While I didn't find the book to be 100% accurate, it nails most situations dead on. I wish you luck. You deserve happiness...Becky
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 12:31pm

Is he presenting this as just wanting some time with the guys?

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2005
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 2:08pm
BF told me that he wanted to have space for himself, but still see me and date me. He said he didnt want to breakup because generally breaking up is when you decide that you dont want to talk with that person at all. He said he didnt want that, that he still wanted to see me. And that same day, sunday, after our talk, he still wanted me to go outlet shopping with him and he tried to hold my hand. later that day, he asked me to cook dinner for him and then when i left after dinner he said, ' i love you' and I said it back. and then monday morn, he texted me and said good morning and i have talked with him a few times since and seen him at the gym once, but i found out that when he was late to meet his friends at the gym monday another friend of mine saw him walk into a restuarant but he walked in and left. he was defenseive, so I feel that i need to clarify the situation if he is not doing what he told me, which is taking tima and not dating anyone else. if he wants to then he needs to let me go,a nd know that he will never talk or see me again. let me know what I can say to him to make ti clear that i need clarification, please!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 2:49pm

Ugh...hugs to you.

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2005
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 4:00pm
it is soo hard, and I dont know if i should wait to say something or talk to him now, at this moment because of everything going on inside my head. I dont want to think of him dating someone else. it hurts
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 4:31pm

I don't understand... did he say he is wanting to date others? or be open to that possibility?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 4:34pm

People treat you as you allow.


This is what I'd do. I'd talk to him.

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2005
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 2:44pm
I spoke with him this morning and we clarified some stuff, and he said lets take it day by day. I want to miss you and I know you dont want to know if i decide to date someone else, and I told him that he wouldhave to tell me. He said right now though, he may talk to people, but he is going to hang out more withis best friend, who just broke up with his girlfriend 5 weeks ago. My BF told me that he doesnt know what will happen with us, maybe we will come back together. I did fall back about 3 weeks ago and that was when he pulled back, but i was honest with him about an old flame coming back in my life, but i didnt want it. Of course taht is a cop out for my BF because if he really wanted me he wouldtrust me. his ex girl left him and was cheating on him with someone else before she could break up with him. but anyway, is it normal for me to think of him dating someone else, even though he would know that he would need to tell me, and would he really do it this early, and what do any of you have to say to get my mind off those thoughts? thanks