HELP! PLEASE!
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HELP! PLEASE!
| Sat, 10-22-2005 - 11:32am |
Ok, I doubt anyone wants to hear the whole story so i will just write the important stuff.
Met this really great guy online (I know that sounds funny but its true). We talked for 2 weeks in emails before we talked on the phone. The first night we talked on the phone we talked for 9 hours straight...needless to say it went really well. 2 more weeks of talking everynight ensued. Then i moved back down to school and we met in person for the first time. Fell in love. All was going well until i started to get impatient and worried. We had dated for a while and i was not yet his "girlfriend". He would introduce me to everyone as such, but i wasn't when we discussed it. He said he wanted to make it "special" when he asked me. It was a big deal to me and I was impatient. i started to get insecure and question everything....i admit too much, but what can you do. we started to fight/bicker a lot. He decided to take a break - which i took as a break up - to see if he wanted to keep trying. Supposedly for "us" to see if i still wanted it, but i definately did. So i was a mess. I talked with his best friend (who emailed me first) and we decided to go out to dinner and talk that night. That didnt work out so i invited him back to my apartment (dont worry, roomates were there) to talk. Long story short he got drunk and passed out on my bed. I tried to sleep on the floor but that didnt work and i had to work the next morning. So i slept on the other side of the bed for a couple hours til i woke up. HUGE mistake, i know. But i didnt tell 'Randy' because i thought it would just make things worse. Well, turns out his best friend is a pathological liar and said all kinds of things like we slept together etc. etc. Ended up telling Randy out of spite because randy was mad at him and he wanted to shift it to me. Randy confronted me, i paniced. Lied about his friend passing out in my bed. MISTAKE 2 because randy always said he does not tolerate or forgive lying. HUGE mess ensued. He said he wasnt sure if he wanted to take me back, etc etc. While we were going through this i met a nice guy who works downstairs (Dean). He invited me and one of my roomates over for dinner. Randy found out and wanted to come. I was interested in dean - he was a nice guy. So when randy came up and acted like nothing was wrong i thought it was bc he saw that me and dean got along well. I thought randy was acting like a jealous fool and that is the only reason he wanted to be with me again. So that night i told dean in an email sorry randy acted like a fool, he just saw i was interested in you and was jealous. And again, when i invited dean over for pasta with me and all my roomates it turned into a mess. Roomies bailed so it was just me and him. So some other friends came over. Randy found out again and wanted to come. So i emailed dean and said our dinner plans are changed, basically that my roomies bailed and randy had guilt-tripped me into inviting him. Everything went well after that. I found out randy was not just messing with my head, that he really wanted me. All was great...great as it was in the beginning. But then he snooped through my emails and found these old emails. All hell broke loose. He no longer trusts me at all, believes me that i love him or basically believes anything i say. We are still "trying" but it sucks right now. I am trying my hardest and feel like i am getting nowhere. He wont forgive me for any of it or look past my old mistakes. He even told me he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend until the dean mishap. i really dont know what to do. I love him so much and want to be with him, but it is all going to hell. He says i dont show him i love him - how am i supposed to do that? i thought i was. HELP PLEASE! I AM GOING CRAZY HERE!
Met this really great guy online (I know that sounds funny but its true). We talked for 2 weeks in emails before we talked on the phone. The first night we talked on the phone we talked for 9 hours straight...needless to say it went really well. 2 more weeks of talking everynight ensued. Then i moved back down to school and we met in person for the first time. Fell in love. All was going well until i started to get impatient and worried. We had dated for a while and i was not yet his "girlfriend". He would introduce me to everyone as such, but i wasn't when we discussed it. He said he wanted to make it "special" when he asked me. It was a big deal to me and I was impatient. i started to get insecure and question everything....i admit too much, but what can you do. we started to fight/bicker a lot. He decided to take a break - which i took as a break up - to see if he wanted to keep trying. Supposedly for "us" to see if i still wanted it, but i definately did. So i was a mess. I talked with his best friend (who emailed me first) and we decided to go out to dinner and talk that night. That didnt work out so i invited him back to my apartment (dont worry, roomates were there) to talk. Long story short he got drunk and passed out on my bed. I tried to sleep on the floor but that didnt work and i had to work the next morning. So i slept on the other side of the bed for a couple hours til i woke up. HUGE mistake, i know. But i didnt tell 'Randy' because i thought it would just make things worse. Well, turns out his best friend is a pathological liar and said all kinds of things like we slept together etc. etc. Ended up telling Randy out of spite because randy was mad at him and he wanted to shift it to me. Randy confronted me, i paniced. Lied about his friend passing out in my bed. MISTAKE 2 because randy always said he does not tolerate or forgive lying. HUGE mess ensued. He said he wasnt sure if he wanted to take me back, etc etc. While we were going through this i met a nice guy who works downstairs (Dean). He invited me and one of my roomates over for dinner. Randy found out and wanted to come. I was interested in dean - he was a nice guy. So when randy came up and acted like nothing was wrong i thought it was bc he saw that me and dean got along well. I thought randy was acting like a jealous fool and that is the only reason he wanted to be with me again. So that night i told dean in an email sorry randy acted like a fool, he just saw i was interested in you and was jealous. And again, when i invited dean over for pasta with me and all my roomates it turned into a mess. Roomies bailed so it was just me and him. So some other friends came over. Randy found out again and wanted to come. So i emailed dean and said our dinner plans are changed, basically that my roomies bailed and randy had guilt-tripped me into inviting him. Everything went well after that. I found out randy was not just messing with my head, that he really wanted me. All was great...great as it was in the beginning. But then he snooped through my emails and found these old emails. All hell broke loose. He no longer trusts me at all, believes me that i love him or basically believes anything i say. We are still "trying" but it sucks right now. I am trying my hardest and feel like i am getting nowhere. He wont forgive me for any of it or look past my old mistakes. He even told me he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend until the dean mishap. i really dont know what to do. I love him so much and want to be with him, but it is all going to hell. He says i dont show him i love him - how am i supposed to do that? i thought i was. HELP PLEASE! I AM GOING CRAZY HERE!

Back off and leave him alone.
Give him time and space to figure out what he wants. IMHO, he needs to deal with his trust issues and resolve them first before the two of you can get back together and pursue a healthy r'ship.
This is the time to go out with your friends and get back into doing the things you used to do before you met him. In the meantime, I wouldn't wait too long for him to make up his mind or work through his issues.
When you feel like you've had enough and aren't getting what you want, THEN MOVE ON.
All the best,
Heymum
Marie