Help! Should I tell him how I feel?
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| Fri, 07-01-2005 - 10:26am |
I've been seeing the same guy since the end of April. Our first date went really well, we just met up for some drinks and talked, found out we had a lot in common, etc. Then, somehow we ended up going back to his apartment (He lives right down the street from the bar we were at, we're both in NYC), there was some making out and he kept saying that he wanted me to stay over, but I had never done anything like that before, so I declined, saying I had to be up early for work (which was actually true) and for him to call me.
He called the next day and we hung out the following night, but this time, I ended up staying over and we had sex. Since that night, we hang out like once or twice a week, usually going to bars first, or movies, hanging out w/ his roommates, etc. Then we'd end up having sex at the end of the night, without fail. We usually only talk on the phone to make plans, we never call each other just to talk. But when we're out together, we talk and have fun the whole night.
Except for this past week, we hung out on Sunday night and then again Wednesday night, and both of those nights started out the same as any of our other dates, but both of these times, we just went to sleep together, no sex. There was lots of cuddling and spooning, but that's about it.
This has got me confused because since I've never been in a situation like this before, and so naturally, I started to develop feelings for him pretty early on (I'm a girl, what can I say?) but I kept them hidden from him for the most part, trying to figure out where he stood, etc. without scarring him off with that talk about "feelings"... but now, I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not just a piece of ass to him.
The other thing I'm tryiing to figure out is, how do I find out if he's sleeping with other girls? He's an attractive guy and I know for a fact that there's other girls out there that are or would be interested in him.
I've asked my friends for advice on this and they've told me not to say anything to him yet about how I feel, but to just ask him to hang out more often and see how he reacts to that. If he starts declining often and is catching on to my plan, then he's probably not interested, but if he continues to say yes, then I may be on to something.
But, this interim period is what's driving me crazy... the waiting and wondering. Should I just come out and tell him how I feel and get it all out in the open?? Do you think that even if he is starting to feel something for me, this will scare him off??
He's almost 30, and I'm in my mid-20s, so we're both adults here.

I'm sorry but I think your friends gave you bad advice!
If you want to know if he's sleeping with other people, you ASK. It's perfectly reasonable that you don't want to sleep with someone who's sleeping with other people. The "ick" factor alone would make that unacceptable to me.
As for telling him how you feel, I wouldn't do that exactly, but I would ask him what type of relationship he's looking for (in general, not with YOU, it's too soon for that) and let him know what you are looking for. That way, if you're not on the same page, you can end things before you get even more involved. A guy who's right for you isn't going to be "scared off" because you asked him what he's looking for to see if you're on the same page.
Sheri