Help a sista out with some advice!!!
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Help a sista out with some advice!!!
| Mon, 08-29-2005 - 10:59pm |
This guy i dated for a brief period (5weeks) comes back into life. Tells me how it was so great to see me and gies me hug. We hung out and talked at this concert we ran into each other at. and we go out the following night and he calls the next day to say what a great time he had with me. I dont get it because 1.He said he likes me. 2. He has a great time with me. Why I have not heard from him in a week. I was finally getting over him and he pops back into my life and know I feel sad all over again. I really care for this guy. What can i say to him to find out what he is thinking without scaring him off. When we dated I did ask him if we were friends with benefits and he told me we were more than that. Will he even call me? Can i call him to talk. I want to know how he feels about me!!!

Based upon what you wrote and his behavior, it really sounds like he's just not that into you.
When he told you that the two of you were more than FWBs, I think it was just a ploy to keep you interested and available for IF or just in case he'd like to see you.
Bottom line, when a guy is really into you, he'll show it (without you having to ask or beg for clarity) and you'll have no doubts. He'll be calling you, asking to see you and spend time together, etc. But this guy clearly isn't doing that.
I think you should forget about him and move on.
You deserve better!
Heymum
Jen,
I agree with Heymum, he's probably a heartbreaker, so I'd probably leave him. I'm sad to say he's probably a player and he does want to just be FWB (he's just there for the sex), but if you really like him I'd try to find out for sure, even if it's just to have peace of mind. If he's just playin' ya wouldn't you like to know that so you don't wonder about him down the road?
You could just bring it up next time you two talk, and say "Hey why didn't you call me all week? That sends a message to me that you don't care." But this may very well scare him off, so you might have to go through something a little bit more elaborate. I know it's a pain in the butt to go though all this, but it's the best way to find out his true intention for you without scaring him away. I normally wouldn't suggest a girl do this, but when he's probably a player, and therefore probably someone you don't want to date anyway, then it's totally worth the risk. Cuz hey, if you find out he definately is a player, then you don't want to date him and then no big loss, right?
Here goes: I would wait for him to call you next time. Talk to him like you normally would, then let him ask you out. Tell him thanks but you have other "plans" that night, and you're really busy the next few nights with social things (don't get specific), but you should be available next week. He'll probably call back 3 to 8 days later. Don't act either too interested or uninterested, just let him know you are a girl with options. You're not going to accept his first attempt. It'll make him check his ego, then check to see how much he likes you. If he thinks you're worth it, he'll definately call again. (Do NOT call him yet for ANY reason!)
So when he calls again, accept his offer and go out with him. Again, resist the urge to act too interested, but don't come off cold either. Definately do NOT get physical with him past a quick good night kiss. At this point he'll get the hint and either one of two things will happen. He'll realize that you aren't going to take his BS, which will force him to start working towards a real relationship, or else he'll realize that you won't be physical that easily and he'll leave cuz he's just a player. If he's there just to be FWB and you take away the "Benefits", he won't stay, then you know he's a jerk and a player. You just avoided being slung through the mud over the next few weeks/months.
I know it's a lot of hoops to jump through, not to mention patience and waiting on your part, but if you really like him and really want to find out the truth with out a frontal assault that could scare him off (which might not be a bad thing), this is the way to go. Whatever you do, make sure you let him know you've cooled down about him and he's not that great to you anymore (even if that's untrue). He needs to know you aren't going to give in that easily, so he'll start appreciating you more. Don't give him everything he wants. He needs to fight for you a little. You deserve to be called during the week, and if he's just going to blow you off, you probably will have to do the same.
Good Luck,
-MFG
hi,
i'm sorta in the same situation as her except the only difference is that the guy i'm seeing calls me, wants to spend time w/me but also wants to sleep w/me. i asked him yesterday if he wanted a fwb and he said that he would try to convince me otherwise but if i absolutely wanted that then it would be fine w/him. so, do you think he's doing this to sleep w/me and then after that he'll go from being visible to mr. invisible?
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What does "try to convince you otherwise" mean?
Since he didn't come right out and say that he wants to see you exclusively, then it stands to reason that he wants to see other women and get some from you too (esp. as long as you're willing to have an FWB arrangement).
If there's no sex or FWB arrangement, I doubt he'll stick around. If he's not sincerely interested in you and is only sticking around to get a little, then I'd lose him like a bad habit.
Good luck,
Heymum