he's is dating his daughter - sort of..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
he's is dating his daughter - sort of..
5
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 1:27pm

I am a single parent who after 10 years (spent raising my young child)re-entered the dating world in January. Through what can only be refered to as fate - meant a very nice man, who broke up with his gf about 3 months earlier due to the MAJOR age difference of 27 years!!!She was his post divorce relationship and it lasted 1.5 years. We clicked from the get go. He said he never thought he would care about someone like that (old gf) again - but did with me. well 2 mos into our relationship this 27 year old decided she wanted him back. He - obviously never completely over her - took about 2 mos of painstaking thinking,etc - decided to go back to her!! (HE IS 53!) He knows it is not right, he is not sure if going back to her is the right answer, but I told him - he has to get her out of system one way or another - because we could never "be" if he has unresolved feeling for her. I know he still cares and has feelings for me - even now. It has been 5 weeks since we saw each other, and had been a week since we last spoke when he started IM'ing and emailing me this week. (she was away with her mom on vacation) We just talked, but he wanted me to play softball with his team becasue they were short players (i assume because she was away!) He is 53, she is 27 and I am 43. She lives with her mom. When he met her he was over 200# and 51, he has lost about 50+# over the 8 mos. We connect and share alot of "life" events, maturity and really got along great. He doesnt want to get married again.. So I dont understand why he is afraid to let go of an unhealthy realtionship with someone who is jsut starting her life - and not see what happens with us (which is what we were doing before she came back into the picture)

HELP.. I want to understand, and as a social worker - I do to some extent, but am too involved persoanally to see things without emotion.

Thanks,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 1:53pm

Why did they break up? Couldn’t be age difference, because no matter what his feelings were if age was the issue then he would not have gone back. Apparently, you have gotten half a story from him and are now holding on for what? They can go another 1 ½ yrs before again something comes up. Just because she is 27 does not mean they are that far off. She may not want to ever marry and why the click. I would think this is your time to stop waiting and go on because he will keep you on the back burner until things go bad and once the young lady decides oh ok, lets try again he will jump back to her.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 2:12pm

not everything is as black and white as you make it sound. i guess there is not enough room here to share why i beleive what i do or feel the way i do..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 2:24pm
I am not saying it is. I am going from what was posted. If you share more then that could change the way I see it. From reading what you posted that is what I got out of it.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 3:01pm
thanks for your input..
Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 3:16pm

Why exactly do you feel their relationship is unhealthy? Because of the age gap? I know some people find it hard to accept but that doesn't make it unhealthy. Because they broke up once? Plenty of people break up and get back together to maintain a healthy relationship. If there is some other reason you feel it's unhealthy then you didn't mention it so it's hard for us to comment further.

Regardless though, the fact is that he's made his decision whether you understand it or not and you need to move on. It's their relationship now, not yours. I know it sucks because he left you for her but you have to get over him and if that means cutting contact with him for a while then you should do it. You're not going to gain anything by continuing to judge them and trying to understand their relationship.

Good luck.