He's perfect for me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
He's perfect for me!
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 9:38pm
I'v been divorced for 4 yr me and my BF have been dating for a yr now. he is so perfect for me. I could go through the list of wonderful things he does, but im here tofind out something and how to deal with it.. there is very few times that he dont talk about his x wife.. like today i counted 3 times he brought up her name oh yea blah blah did this, and then oh yea blah texted me this.
I talk about my x husband but it just when he has been a butthead and i need to vent..
i dont wanna let this one go. he is the best thing to happen to me, please tell me if im over reacting or how i can deal with it.. thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2010
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 10:29pm
You sound young and haven't dated very much. How are you to know there aren't many men out there with their head together more than this guy you're dating. And any woman I know that is empowered, etc, would run for the hills when some guy they started to date said too much of their ex-wife like it sounds like from what you wrote. HE isn't not over her, and sounds even that he's just not that into you, or otherwise he would be wise to watch what he says to you. Sorry, but you sound like you're being taken advantage of by your BF, and he doesn't sound like he ready to date anyone else till he stops talking so much about his ex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 11:45am

After a year of dating him, he's still talking about his ex wife to you and what they texted?!?!?!

I do not believe that is appropriate and he doesn't have his mind 100% on you. I am divorced and been dating my boyfriend 1.5 years, I make sure I don't bring up my ex any more (usually something stupid he did) even if there is a relevant story. There's a time and place for everything, and there's no place for my ex in my current life.

How about you start reading some books:

Are You the One for Me?: Knowing Who's Right and Avoiding Who's Wrong
by Barbara De Angelis

Is He Mr. Right?: Everything You Need to Know Before You Commit
Mira Kirshenbaum

Get them at the library.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 9:38pm
THANK YOU!!! I just didnt want to be "that Girlfriend"always picking out neg stuff. but Yes i try very hard to keep my x out of life to..
thank you all again.. i guess i just needed to know I what i was feeling was ok..
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2009
Tue, 02-02-2010 - 11:20am

I'm in sort of a different situation - I've been divorced for only a year and a half, and have a wonderful BF now who was never married.

My XH and I didn't have any kids - so no real reason for us to communicate, though he insists on still keeping in touch with some of my other family members and friends (though he strictly forbade me from doing this to his side... whatever). I will make mention of that sometimes to my current BF, just because I hear about him through these other folks, but otherwise I try not to talk about him. It hasn't been as long for me, though, and it's sometimes hard not to say, "oh, XH did this stupid thing to me" (emotionally abusive marriage). I've asked my BF to tell me if he ever thinks I'm talking about my XH too much, because sometimes I just don't realize it.

Do your BF and his XW have kids? Have they been divorced for very long? Is there any other compelling reason for them to keep communicating (maybe still trying to sell a house, etc.)? I don't know many divorced couples that remain friends afterwards, but it does happen.

If not, it sounds like he might not quite be over her yet.