how can I get over him?
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| Tue, 09-13-2005 - 2:10pm |
I am in love with my best friend (who is a guy, just so we are clear). I have been on and off for him over the last ten years. We became friends after dating a short time and deciding it wouldn't work because of some outside factors. Aka his sister and I were friends and she didn't like the idea of us dating. Anyways I still loved him for a couple of years after that. At one point I told him how I felt and he said he was flattered but he just didn't feel that way anymore. We both have been seeing other people over the years, who I admit to comparing all my guys to him. I know he does not do that same with the girls he dates. I have not seen him in over a year but we talk regularly. He just got back last month from traveling Europe for several months. And while he was away he still managed to call me to let me know he was okay and having a good time and that he missed me. And I appreciated and looked forward to all of those calls.
I always think that I am over him and think that if he did want to get involved would I even be that interested. But then he calls or he sends an email and a complete sense of Euphoria comes over me and just hearing from him makes me day that much better. And as terrible and childish as this sounds (but I don't care because no one knows who I am.), I can't help but say I love you to myself when I have hung up the phone from him or finished an email or letter. As if to think one day I will actually be able to say it to him.
I guess what I am looking for is how to get over him. What do I do to make myself feel a little less in love with him and a little more platonic love for him. Anybody's words of wisdom on this issue would be greatly appreciated.

i've been there. i was in love with my best friend for maybe 2 years, back in like 1998-99. in my case, he ended all contact with me when my feelings became known to him. i was devastated at the time, but it was the best thing he could have possibly done for me. it's amazing how quickly i was able to get over him once there was no longer any possibility of seeing or hearing from him, ever. the heart is resilient that way, i guess.
i'm sorry, but my advice is for you to end the friendship and end all contact with him. you can explain to him why. write him a letter if it's too hard to tell him to his face. if you like, take one last shot at telling him you love him. but if he says he doesn't feel that way, then you have to ask him not to contact you anymore. will he find that weird? maybe. but it really doesn't matter what he thinks of you anyway, since he will no longer be in your life.
trust me. i know you think your life would end if you never saw this guy again. but it won't. you will be over him in 6 months and ready for love with someone who can love you back. it's worth it. otherwise, you'll blink and your whole life will have gone by without ever knowing real mutual love.