how can i let him go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
how can i let him go?
2
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 2:02am

i known him for 2yrs. its been an emotional rollercoaster ever since i met him. we have never been on an official relationship, one has been mentioned many times during the back and forth motion of our 'unique relationship', but none has been achieved.
now i feel like i have deep feelings for this guy, and i know he does not feel the same way. i keep falling for him. if he were to ask me to come see him, even though he lives in another sate (im from ny, his from boston), i try my best to do it. i mean he comes see me too, but when i go there we interact more. on the contrary, when he comes here, he just watches tv and sleeps.
i sent him messages telling him that i miss him, yet i dont get the same response back.
i know the best thing to do is to be strong and let go.
he tells me that the only reason he comes to see me is because hia bored. i guess i have trouble accepting that because i really like him and would like to beleive that his just being proud. ~my reasoning: 'why would you come from another state to visit someone u dont even like, simply because your bored?'

i really think i got caught up and i actually love this kid. i hate the fact that i have feelings for him,, because all i do is try to figure him out.
deep down, i dont want to be with someone who comes to see me, because their bored. i know im not being rational, but you dont know how good it feels to be with him -at times, or talk to him-.
he is not aware of my feelings, even though i think it's pretty obvious.
i dont know how i got caught up with this emotion, we talk may be 2 or 3 times a week, but its online chatting, not even on the phone.
even though im always the one leaving the sweet messages only when we are actually on good terms; yet when we have an argument and stop talking for 1 or 2 months, his the one to always contact me.
***am i reading too much into this?***
i just want to let him go completely, and simply be his friend.-
i dont know why it is so hard for me to accept that. i keep having illusions; i just want to snap my fingers and wake up.
any advice, greatly appreciated.

thanks,
Githela

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 12:35pm
totally in your same situation (a few months ago until we started dating)
it is very hard to determine the relationship as a whole, sometimes your just friends, sometimes you know its so much more than that. how do you know he doesnt feel the same?
i dont have an answer for you, i wish i did then i could determine my situation, but if you have a hard time being around this man maybe you should cut all ties, or at least find out exactly what is thing is (most men dont fess up though) and if you can just really be his friend than maintain it if not move on, at least your heart wont be broken.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 2:23pm

I am sorry this is so hard for you but the one thing you have to do you may not be willing to do. That is to STOP all contact with him. If he says he does it because he is bored believe him. Yes someone will do it to the extent of going across the state. I have done it but not having anything else to do go hang out with someone I really didn’t care for or want to be around just to not be bored all by myself. Plus it is great when you know they are into you because you may get some perks or they go out of their way to make you have a good time. Also, my best friend has done it to a girl. I had to tell her the same thing. She cared deeply for him but unfortunately his was being honest and figured it was ok but she was feeling differently and what I told her was. Your feelings are not his so he doesn’t worry about them as much as him being bored or wanting someone over to his house to visit. Only you can control how much and how long someone takes advantage of you and as long as you continue to go back and cater to him when he wants then there is no reason for him to change because he has already told you he was bored. Thankfully she did leave but it was over a yr later and it was like 3 yrs after they started the mess but she is much better now. Wish you the best.

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