how do I ask?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2009
how do I ask?
5
Thu, 01-21-2010 - 6:39pm
How do I ask a guy I have been seeing if we are just friends or something more? When we first went out he said it would be nice to have a female friend to go out with. Now, he has asked me out on Valentines day and New Years Eve and some of the little things he says and does makes me think it's not just friends anymore, but I don't know. He's a hard one to read. I don't want to freak him out or scare him away so how do I know?
HELP!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
In reply to: sunnygal1
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 9:24am

He's actually easy to read. If he were interested in you, he would be doing the work and asking you out by now...instead of 2 dates in 2 months, which is silly if you ask me. Remember if he were interested, he'd be wanting to see you a lot more than just 2 dates.

Instead of you being the one to pursue him (which is what you are doing), cut the contact and let him do the work. Right now it seems that he doesn't quite know what he wants, and although he seems to enjoy your company, you need to put your foot down and stop getting stringed along. So...here's how to start...instead of agreeing to go out with him or "hang out", instead make yourself unavailable, and make excuses or plans to do something else.

If he starts questioning your motives, tell him that you are looking for a relationship, and he's a nice guy, but you don't want to invest time in someone that has no interest in you.

Bottom line, he needs to get off his butt and make a decision either way, instead of you chasing him and wondering what his feelings are on the subject. He's filling in the gap right now, because you said yes. Last thing to remember, men DO like the chase, and being unavailable helps with that. If he wants to take you out on V-day, I would say go ahead, but after that cut yourself off from him to send a message. Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2009
In reply to: sunnygal1
Sat, 01-23-2010 - 3:39pm
okay, here's the thing.....we work together so I see him everyday! It's not like I am sitting by the phone waiting to talk to him. I do that everyday. Maybe that's a bad thing. Maybe it's too easy.
He doesn't strike me as the type of man who likes to play games either. He doesn't have time for all that stuff. And we aren't young people going through our first puppy love. He is 55 and I am 46.
So what now? Maybe just hang in there and give it time. It's not like I have a ton of gentlemen knocking on my door!
Thanks for any advice!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sunnygal1
Sun, 01-24-2010 - 4:06pm

Do you have another post with more details?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2009
In reply to: sunnygal1
Sun, 01-24-2010 - 9:52pm
Thanks for the advice. Did you see my other post? What else do you want to know? We just went out Saturday and had a great time. I just don't want to scare him away . Although he is such a good guy, he wouldn't make me feel awkward for asking. I just don't know.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sunnygal1
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 2:01am

I did not see your other post, that's why I asked.