How do i get my ex back?
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| Thu, 12-08-2005 - 2:54am |
Ill make a long story as short as possible. Meet this guy 3 years ago in Spain on hols we ended up been good friends for ages he chased me for about a year but i didnt fancy him but after time i began to fancy him so we hit it off and went out for a years and a half it got very serious lived together while i was moving into my new apartment. He did up my whole apartment put down wodden floors etc acting like it was hes too etc...
Everything was going fine but then he was cooling off a little as i brought on the future..where we going etc as we were turning more into friends instead of lovers..not sleeping together as much etc..I got mad at him on hols and said "i was better of going away with my friends whats going on with you an me" he didnt think anything was going wrong, then we had another misunderstanding again when i pissed him off talking to a guy at a party and he never saved me. We were both drunk and he decided he wanted to break up as we are becoming too much as friends ( he used as an excuse) ..so i decided to give him space. when i asked him about us he started saying he doesnt know what he wants (as he thinking of marrage) but he think there might something missing in our relationship but is unsure what. But i feel there is such a connection and it is hard to meet people like that. I told him im happy with him but if your not happy we should stop seeing each other altogether so we can prehaps sort our head out...5 months have gone and i miss him so much even as a friend...I know he is not with anyone else so i took a chance and send a group joke email and he replied just wondering what i was up to but nothing really else! I Just would love to get a second chance as i know what may have gone wrong but how will i go about it, i dont want to come on 'too full on' ... Please advice....

Hi and welcome, it doesn’t seem he is to interested in getting back together so there is nothing you can do at this point. Now if you want to be friends again then respond to his email on how you are doing and go from there. But, I think if he was interested he would let you know but the no contact in all this time and you being the one to begin it doesn’t seem to me like this is what he wants. Plus, from your post it seemed the relationship had been over on his part way before the breakup. When you broke up you did not say he questioned or anything so something was missing for him and no matter what you do unless he sees you as the potential then it is all one sided.
Marie
Ok, this might stir up some mixed reviews/opinions ... but, if you want to get him back, here's what you do:
1) agree with everything he says (ie, "I completely agree, we're so much better off as friends")
2) be friendly at all times, smile from ear to ear, be enchanting, and charming, and fun to be around
3) if you're hanging out as friends, and you're the fun, charming, delightful girl that he once knew, he'll WANT your company more and more.
4) but, don't accept every invitation ... decline a few here and there ... be BUSY ... go on about your life ... but, hang out with him as friends ... not just when it works for him (ie, "I'd love to, but I'm busy on on Friday ... how about Sunday?") ... you want for him to see you as busy and going about your life ... but, willing to "fit him in" when it works for you. It'll instill the "chase" back in him.
5) Lastly, and most importantly, don't mention ANYTHING about getting back together as a couple, when/if he starts dropping that hint or making that suggestion ... just say "we'll see"
5a) and by no means, no sex or affection that is more than a "just friends" hug or what you'd offer any other guy friend
If you do this, by promoting the "just friends" situation as what you really want (even though you really do want more than 'just friends') ... he'll probably want to be with you again ... because it will remind him of all the GOOD stuff in the relationship, how fun you were to be with, etc.
However, this strategy will only go so far as that ... getting him back ... that does NOT mean that once you have him back ... that the relationship will work again. Because, most likely, you'll want to know "where is this going?" etc
And, that is why this strategy is well, a little controversial and "gamish" ... but, if your only objective is getting him back ... then, it will most likely work.
Hello starbuck,
I think that is a very interesting list. However I also agree with the previous post that he doesn't sound interested. If he chose to break off the relationship, and 5 months later doesn't signal that he takes back his decision, then he probably believes the relationship already gave all it could and its time to focus on himself and growth. It sounds crude I know, however putting energy into winning someone who was once won, and then realized he didn't want to be with that person is putting energy into the wrong person. Do you know what i'm saying?? If you feel in your heart that you are meant to be and what you had was so pure that deserves rescuing, then time will let you know that. Otherwise, don't put yourself in a position of potential hurt. I hope the best works out for you, take care of yourself and be strong.