How do I know if he's the one?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
How do I know if he's the one?
7
Tue, 07-21-2009 - 6:08pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Wed, 07-22-2009 - 11:13am

I think you should go with your fiance to a

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Wed, 07-22-2009 - 12:19pm

As always, Kate has given a terrific response already, so I'm just going to leave you with these links which you may find useful:


Is He the One? 10 Questions to Ask Yourself


Quiz: Is He the One?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Thu, 07-23-2009 - 10:47am

Keli,


Welcome! IMO it is natrual to have questions as to whether or not you truly are ready for committment. Unfortunately in today's world there are so many more bad examples than good ones as to how a committed relationship or marriage should be.


I agree that some pre-marital counseling can help. Maybe you can get a better understanding of how committment works and how to people work together through marriage.


If your bf is trying and you do love him, then at least give counseling a shot. Counseling isn't always for people in trouble, it can actually help strengthen even the best of marriages/relationships. Good Luck :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thu, 07-23-2009 - 11:07am

You have already answered your own question. You are sticking around in something comfortable. Your BF is not the one. Bottom line.

The easiest way I can tell you that when you know he's the one, is just "you know". It's like when you fall in love..you know. You should stop comparing other marriages and relationships and just do it when the time is right. It's really about how the 2 people are around each other and work at it to make it better every day. If you are nitpicking and constantly wondering and questioning things, then after 2 1/2 years, he's not the one. When "he" is the one, it fits a lot easier and sooner than you think.

Where you are in your life at 27, you want someone to take care of you, and that whole "nesting" feeling starts coming into play big time. Which seems to be the case for you. With the all the issues you were talking about below with your BF, do you really want to deal with that if you got married, and then started to wonder if this was a good move? It's good you are questioning things now, rather than later.

Me personally, I'd say give it 1/2 to 1 year. See where things take you, and see if he's more inclined to make a home and a life with you then. For you I'd recommend to make your break sooner than later.

When you are committed to someone and want go to the next step, you aren't gonna want to waste anymore time. You should NOT waste any additional time or energy on someone that isn't going to spend it with you or be the RIGHT fit.




Edited 7/23/2009 11:07 am ET by sweatpea79
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
Thu, 07-23-2009 - 12:18pm

Can you just wait awhile and see how you feel after another year? Maybe you'll stop freaking out and your true feelings will show themselves to you. I know you said you're not getting any younger but I still think you have time to be in this relationship and see how it plays out. If you're still not sure about after a year, then do the counseling. Or if you're going to do counseling, do it for yourself and not the relationship...right now I mean. See if it's your own issues you have to deal with.

I understand about the man's man thing though :) I grew up with a dad who did all that stuff and it spoiled me and now I want my future husband to be just like that, lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2009
Thu, 07-23-2009 - 3:59pm
Marriage is like Pandora's box, full of surprises.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Thu, 07-23-2009 - 4:44pm

Marriage is like Pandora's box, full of surprises.

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