How do you KNOW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
How do you KNOW?
23
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 3:50pm

I was reading the topic about Jerry Maguire and Pretty Woman and I agree... Hollywood has a way of putting these "fantasies" in our heads from a very young age. Now here I am as a 30-year old woman trying to figure out truth from fantasy also having a enough life experience to jade me alittle and enough to make me see things in a thousand different lights.

I've been told by a number of people you just KNOW when you've met the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. They, coincidently, are some of the same people I've watched divorce through the years. People who swore up and down he was the one. Here I am with a guy after 9 years (periods of disconnect and "breaks" but 9 years more or less) and while we definitely aren't in the "in love" stage anymore - we do love each other. There is a mutual respect and just a "constant" to the relationship. In a way, a view it like a 9-year marriage. And I wonder... IS this what it would be like after 9 years with anyone? I'm stuck in a place of do I realize what I have and really dive into a future here (committing in marriage, creating a family, etc.) or is this not really what it would be like after 9 years with my "fantasy"? I hope what I'm writing is making sense - I'm afraid it's not. I'm torn between what I think might just be reality and the ideal of what I always thought it would be like and still am not sure I can let go of - but don't want to lose what is good (and real) for a "fantasy".

Does this make sense?

Please respond with your thoughts!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 8:16pm

You're welcome! I hope you can answer that question with an affirmative "yes" and keeping moving forward with your current beau.

I'll tell ya (and anyone else who it might help) something that can really help in learning to appreciate today, and what we have today, for what it is.

Start keeping a "Gratitude Journal" ... seriously, it's very easy. All you have to do is, each day, write down 5 things you're grateful for. It could be something as simple and trite as "I'm grateful for my morning cup of coffee" to something as big as "I'm grateful for my good health."

Do that everyday for 90-days, and I GUARANTEE you'll see a profound affect on your attitude and outlook on what you DO have in your life. It's an awesome exercise in learning to appreciate what we have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:06pm

great posts....both of them. :)


and oh so true. I think that's why I chose to stay with DH, even though it's not that "fantasy" because in every day-to-day life, I enjoy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2006
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 4:36pm

Hmm...here's my two cents on the matter.

When I met my current bf, through a work meeting, I wasn't interested in dating anyone. When he asked me out, I very nearly said no. I couldn't imagine myself dating him! He's not the type of guy I pictured myself with...but something made me agree to that first date, and the rest is history. So, no, at first I did NOT know we'd be together. At all.

However. In previous serious relationships (2), I always had this feeling of impending doom. As if something, anything, went wrong, and the relationship would be totally over. Even though in those relationships we SWORE we'd work on our problems...I still felt like if it wasn't 100% perfect, it would be over.
In this relationship, we've worked problems out. We've had some issues that we've been able to work through and solve. I always feel supported and listened to, which is really important, and I also don't have that feeling like it needs to be perfect. I feel like it's never going to be, but we'll make the best of it and it will work out. I can't describe the difference, but the lack of fear is the major part. And it is amazing.

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