How do you love again?
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How do you love again?
| Sun, 01-01-2006 - 7:29pm |
i just want to ask all the women out there....
all the women who have been walked out on, all the women who have walked out on something... How do you love again?
I mean honestly love again? I feel so empty, like I have no heart, like I have no hope.
I know that they say that "everything heals with time", and that "this too shall pass", but how do you really really let it go?
i have walked out on 2 men and have just been walked out on by the love of my life.
The first two were just no good, well i was young and dumb, you live and learn, but I took that experience on with you to the next one.
Well, the next one came, it was a rocky relationship. we were both young, but really in love. We made it through 7 rough years and i have to say it was much harder for me than it was for him. I gave him my soul and he walked all over me for the first 6 years. The 7th year came and well, my heart was cold. This is when he realized that he wanted to be "in love" not just love me but be "in love with me". I tried to be happy and accept it, but i suppose my heart just wouldnt let it happen. He says that I dont love him anymore and that he needs to be in the "bottom of my heart"?
I do love him, but it's so hard to let go of all the crap that he put me through. I mean, this is the day that i had been waiting for, for 7 years! But i just couldnt let go of the pain.
So here is the million dollar question... how do you get over it so that you can love again? Or can't you? Is it not meant to be? All that bull*$@& I went through for nothing? I dont know how to deal with this, this is way to much. I'm a fighter, I'll fight till the end... but i just dont have any fight in me left. Is that a sign that I just need to let go? I really need some good advise here. Thanks so much!
all the women who have been walked out on, all the women who have walked out on something... How do you love again?
I mean honestly love again? I feel so empty, like I have no heart, like I have no hope.
I know that they say that "everything heals with time", and that "this too shall pass", but how do you really really let it go?
i have walked out on 2 men and have just been walked out on by the love of my life.
The first two were just no good, well i was young and dumb, you live and learn, but I took that experience on with you to the next one.
Well, the next one came, it was a rocky relationship. we were both young, but really in love. We made it through 7 rough years and i have to say it was much harder for me than it was for him. I gave him my soul and he walked all over me for the first 6 years. The 7th year came and well, my heart was cold. This is when he realized that he wanted to be "in love" not just love me but be "in love with me". I tried to be happy and accept it, but i suppose my heart just wouldnt let it happen. He says that I dont love him anymore and that he needs to be in the "bottom of my heart"?
I do love him, but it's so hard to let go of all the crap that he put me through. I mean, this is the day that i had been waiting for, for 7 years! But i just couldnt let go of the pain.
So here is the million dollar question... how do you get over it so that you can love again? Or can't you? Is it not meant to be? All that bull*$@& I went through for nothing? I dont know how to deal with this, this is way to much. I'm a fighter, I'll fight till the end... but i just dont have any fight in me left. Is that a sign that I just need to let go? I really need some good advise here. Thanks so much!

First off, time heals NOTHING. It may dull the pain, but nothing is "healed". The only way to heal a broken heart is new love to revive it.
As I'm reading over your post it makes me wonder some things. Now I know that you're emotionally hurt and emotional, so I really hope you don't read this wrong. You sound like you're stuck in your confussion, and all that I say is honest to goodness meant to show you some clarity and help.
"I gave him my soul and he walked all over me for the first 6 years."
And who's real fault is that? You gave and gave, and he took and took. But you LET HIM. You didn't require anything more because you put up with the crap he dished out. It's like Dr. Phil says, you teach people how to treat you. So why should he have NOT walked all over you?
"I do love him, but it's so hard to let go of all the crap that he put me through."
How can you say you love him after all the "crap"? I don't think you do love him, it doesn't sound like there's much that's lovable about him. I think maybe you loved the idea of him, or the security of having a BF. Or maybe you loved the guy you wished he'd have been or want him to be, but I don't think you really love HIM.
"I mean, this is the day that i had been waiting for, for 7 years! But i just couldnt let go of the pain."
You know, a womans intuition is a funny particular thing. You've been waiting for seven years (longer than todays average MARRIAGE lasts!) and you just can't let go. Maybe it's the smart woman deep inside you who knows that this relationship is wrong for you that's keeping you from saying yes and giving yet even more of yourself to this creep. If you truly deeply loved him and knew this was right and he was TheOne, you wouldn't be hearing that voice that says don't let go of the pain. It's trying to tell you something, and you should listen.
"All that bull*$@& I went through for nothing?"
It was only for nothing if you don't learn from it and keep repeating the pattern. You've got to come to the realization that when it's real, when it's TheOne, the love of your life, that there won't be "bull*$@&" for you to go through.
"How do you love again?"
With open eyes. Lead with your brain and not your heart until your brain tells your heart that it's worth it.
Edited 1/2/2006 2:39 pm ET by angelicafox
Hi rab631...
You didn't ask for a man's viewpoint, but (if you don't mind) Pianoguy would like to offer one?
I think that most of us (men and women) who have been hurt by one or more SO's in our past have a tendency to approach LOVE...WITH CAUTION? This doesn't necessarily mean we're not willing or ready to 'try again?' It's more along the lines of being a bit more 'guarded' when it comes to someone's interest in us.
So whether we can "let our guard down" and try again with somebody new is an 'individual call!'
7 years is a heck of a long time to be emotionally abused. So your skepticism about trying again is justifiable. But why not ask yourself this question:
"Would I be happier going through the rest of my life BY MYSELF...or can I move forward and not look back?"
Pianoguy