How important is it really....
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How important is it really....
| Mon, 11-14-2005 - 2:42pm |
How important is sex to your relationships? How long do you wait before having sex with a guy? What if he was unable to have sex would you continue to date him though everything else was good?
Marie


I've waited months and I've waited hours to have sex. It totally depended on the guy, the situation, and what I wanted to get from it.
Sex is important to me, but love is MORE important.
Would I enter into a relationship where I knwo the guy would not be able to satisfy me sexually in ANY WAY? no. BUT there are LOTS of ways to get sexual satisfaction without using the tradionally accepted method(s). :)
If Pete and I couldn't have sex in the usual fashion we'd just find other ways to "have sex". Of course we both knew going in that sex was important to us both and that one way or the other we'd always find a way to have a satisfying sex life. It helps that we both agree that sex is probably the BEST tension reliever on the planet and that a satisfying sex life probably does more to reassure BOTH people in the relationship that everything is okay and that you're both loved nad accepted then just about anything else.
I don't know a single happily married couple that has a bad sex life, conversely I don't know a single unhappy couple with a good sex life.
It would seem there is DEFINITELY a corelation between overall satisfaction with marriage and over all satisfaction with your sex life.
Marie
How important is sex to your relationships?
***Sex in all its definitions is very important to me. And depending on the r'ship, will determine HOW important it is. If it's a sexual r'ship, then it HAS to be good. If it's a serious LTR, then it has be to decent, exciting, and as long as he's willing to learn, I'm good with it.
How long do you wait before having sex with a guy?
***Whatever I feel like. I don't think waiting is always a sign of a good r'ship, or that it'll make it better. It just depends on how I feel at the time in my life.
What if he was unable to have sex would you continue to date him though everything else was good?
***If it was like that from the beginning, then no, I wouldn't continue to date him. If we had been dating awhile and it started, it depends on WHAT is wrong, and IF he's making changes to change it. If he isn't willing, or sees nothing wrong, then he's gone. If I was married, i'd make do, depending again, on the situation. However, I'll be honest, if it's soemthing that can't be fixed, and I'll never have sex with my husband....most likely I'd take a lover on the side, for intercourse.
Marie
Yes it is. I wouldn't toss aside an ESTABLISHED relationship over not being able to have intercourse any longer.
The one caveat is this... I would not ESTABLISH a relationship knowing I would never have intercourse. That's just me. It is not something I would CHOOSE. It is something I would deal with if it happened; but, it is not something I would accept going in.
Keep in mind though I am a VERY sexual person. There are many women out there who cannot relate to me at all in this regard. I do not associate love with "making love" the way most women do. To me it's sex. Yes, I enjoy being in love with a person I have sex with and it does make it better for me, becasue I'm more relaxed and comfortable. But I can also enjoy sex just for the sake of sex.
For a woman who does associate love with sex I would think a lack of intercourse would be more difficul to deal with then it is for me.
On the other hand, I think that for a woman who had a much lower libido then mine it might not be a problem at all. She may even choose that relationship because she wouldn't "have to" have sex as often.
Well, here's the problem. some women are okay with more love and emotional intimacy than sex. To some, intercourse isn't so important. If they have oral, and she's satisfied, then great.
Warning, may be TMI:
For myself, I didn't realize this until I was with my xbf. There were times, where we'd just have oral sex. No matter what, within an 20 mins, I'd be horny again. He'd satisfy me again, orally, and within 20 mins, I'd be back to square one. I figured out that I literally need intercourse, to satisfy me. I do NOT need to have an O during intercourse, just actual intercourse, for a few mins. I know, stupid, huh? And strange. So, say, xbf wanted oral, and nothing more, he'd know that I'd need to have intercourse for a few mins, even if I just climbed on top for a bit, then finished up in other ways, I'm satisfied.
So, my point, for MYSELF.....is that no matter what I KNOW I need intercourse. So that situation would NOT work for me at all. And no, other "objects" inserted inside do not work. Again, this is only me. It totally depends on what your friend prefers. Emotional love can sustain many women w/o sex. I am not one of those.
BTW, I think YES it would be VERY unfair to my husband, but at the same time, isn't it unfair of him to 100% expect me to give up something so important to me? If the situation was reversed, I'd give the man permission to have a mistress....I just don't ever want to know about it, and it MUST only be about sex, nothing else. If I went into a marriage, and he knew how important sex is to me, to the point where, I don't mind not having it all the time, but if it comes to the point of never again, he'll have to realize, I'm going to go outside of the marriage eventually to find it. Trust me, I wouldn't just jump some guy immediately, I'd hold out as long as I could. But eventually, I'd go outside the marriage.
And lastly, I don't think it's fair either, for men to be in sexless r'ships, because their wives don't want sex. I'm not saying a wife should perform her duty, but I've seen so many women pretend to be very sexual, when in reality, they hate sex. To me, things like that is false advertisement.
In your friends situation, I'd flat out ask what is going on. Once, I can undersatnd. More than once, I want to know if this is normal, and issue, etc. Yes, sex is that important to me. It's not #1, but it's high up there.
Sorry for babbling. But I'm being honest here. And I want you to understand, there are circumstances for different things. But in the case of your friend, I'd find out what is going on, and only she can determine if that's enough, or not. For myself, no, evertyhing but intercourse is not enough.
So marie, you're not being self-centered, you're being true to your heart, your body, and yourself. Just like she should be, and he should be. people too many times think they HAVE to be selfless.....and in the end, they resent. That's not being selfless. That's being selfish.
LOL. Oh, there ya go. I mean, even with "toys" and the sort, it's still not the "real" thing per se. That would be a good answer i'd love to hear. Anyone?
Well, I'm not a full-blown lesbian, but I am what you'd call bi-curious, though I've never acted on my curiousity.
And here's the reason I don't consider myself a lesbian and I've never acted on those feelings. Prepare for bluntness... I like dick a LOT. I would never knowingly choose to be in a relationship without a functioning penis involved.
I am sometimes sexually attracted to women, girl on girl porn turns me on. I've choosen to never be with a women because I've always dated men because I like dick and I wouldn't put my relationship in jeopardy to try a threesome to indulge my bi-curiousity. And I'm honest enough with myself to know that my insecurities might just eat me alive if I ever did try it.
So while I'm not a lesbian may be that gives you a little more insight. I'm not a lesbian because I want a penis, a working penis.
That honest enough for ya?