How to know he likes me?
Find a Conversation
How to know he likes me?
| Sat, 06-04-2005 - 3:12am |
We met each other last year, and have got familiar fast. Recently, we've got more familiar and talked more after joining a music camp held by church 3 weeks before. Indeed, I really like him as he is a nice and energetic guy. After the camp, I invited him to join my fellowship meetings, he has joined twice already.
In past two weeks, he feels unhappy at work, as he has argues with his boss. He tells me he feels unhappy about this when I send SMS and email to him. He says thank you for my concerns. He treats me nicely too.
My doubts are that:
1. I don't sure whether he will be annoyed by my concern.
2. Will he treat me nicely just because I concern over his situation at work, but not because he likes me?
3. Should I do more to let him know that I like him (I afraid I will scare him by further actions)?
Thank you!
In past two weeks, he feels unhappy at work, as he has argues with his boss. He tells me he feels unhappy about this when I send SMS and email to him. He says thank you for my concerns. He treats me nicely too.
My doubts are that:
1. I don't sure whether he will be annoyed by my concern.
2. Will he treat me nicely just because I concern over his situation at work, but not because he likes me?
3. Should I do more to let him know that I like him (I afraid I will scare him by further actions)?
Thank you!

Pages
Hi Delilah2005,
For those of us that are relationship/dating challenged, can you elaborate a little on this?
"However, a guy who is genuinely interested will usually pursue the relationship. A guy that just likes you, but is not that interested will do the polite thing, but no more."
Are there guys that only like you, but come across as genuinely interested, but go no further? It makes since. I know of someone who asks alot of personal questions, flirts, but never makes a move. I guess he only likes me for the moment that we are in?
Mysterious32
Somehow, he will greet me when we see, at least he doesn't dislike me. And he will ask about my work. I think I may need to observe more before I tell him, so as to confirm either he is really interested to pursue our relationship, or treat me nicely just because I conern him. I just worry my over-concern will scare him away, and ruin the friendship. The contradiction is that, I sometimes feel hard to stop treating him better than the others. Well, it's better to observe before taking action..
Hi Delilah2005,
You really seem like you know what you're talking about. I am just so inexperienced. I married my first & only boyfriend. And I never dated anyone but him. So, for lack of a better word. I have no dating history whatsoever. When you've been out of the dating world, and haven't really dealt with any men in a long time, it seems as though you're totally clueless. At any rate, the only thing I would say that I have done, is call maybe twice in the few years that I've known him, and if he's busy, (he's an entrepreneur), I won't leave a message, and I feel that if he liked me, he'd at least call me back to see what I want. But the couple of times that I did just call and leave a message he called right back. Sounds childish, but I guess when you fall for someone it leaves you vulnerable, and you do so many childish things that you ordinarily wouldn't do or think of. I am so afraid of rejection and being hurt, and looking stupid, that I am very guarded. And he has told me that I am and won't open up. But still, I am confused about him. He says that he's told me everything about him, and I've told him nothing about me. It just feels weird, cuz' we work together. But we're colleagues and I am not an employee of his.
Thanks,
Delilah2005
One thing I noticed with colleagues. And this is only my experience.
There's also a third group of men. Men who just like to flirt and get attention. I have met many men like that. They flirt with me, ask about my life, but it never goes anywhere, cuz in truth, they either have an SO, or they're not really interested. ONLY interested in getting an ego boost by ME responding to their flirtations.
personally, I wouldn't EVER get involved with the "boss" or "owner" of a company, unless you're ready to leave. Because, I'm sure he could make something up to fire you if you reject him, or if he gets bored with you, or whatevers. Too many "what if's" for me.
Remember. some men, they just like to flirt to get attention. I knew a guy who I SWORE was interested, so I risked it. HIs reply. "i'm sorry. I enjoy talking with you, but I'm married and love my wife very much". basically, he LOVED flirting, but would never go beyhond that cuz of his wife. what a jerk.
~pineapple_girl
Hi Pineapplegirl,
He's not married, definitely no girlfriend, we work together very late and sometimes talk on the phone after we leave, and he's not my boss. I am not intending to reject him, if he asks me out directly. But I have clearly heard him say, that I am just not open to him, and he sees me as being aloof and just very guarded. He's also told me that I am very intimidating (because I am pretty), and these are all things he's told me. He tells me about every girl he dates, and when they call him, and how he's just not interested in them, because they don't click emotionally. I don't know why he tells me these things. I dont' ask, and I tell him nothing about me, absolutely nothing more than what he asks ( my one-sentence responses). He's even told me that he cannot risk asking a girl out, unless he knows for certain. But, I want him to make the first move. I am not going to, and have decided that I don't need a man in my life who doesn't have enough courage to make a move and take chances. MY STBX is like that, and it came out in many different ways in our relationship. I didn't make the first move with him, it's just that he'd sent 20 people over to talk to me for him (and none of them were talking for him, but for themselves). Needless to say, I want someone strong, and if he never makes the move, it will be his loss. I feel that it will either make him like me more (as this has been going on for a while or, either he'll just move on. In the meantime, I just go on, and if someone comes along that I find interesting, I will date them, and forget about him. It's my way of dealing with things.
Thanks for your response,
Mysterious32
You're right. There are guys out there who just love to flirt and love to get an ego boost from you but when you flirt back and want to take it further, they back down and tell you they're involved.
I've had a similar experience happen to me as well and he was at work.
He flirted with me constantly. Always told me he missed me when he didn't see me. Was CRANKY as he## when he didn't see me and I swore without a doubt that he liked me. He even constantly told me he loved me. So when he was leaving the firm and I wanted to break down to him how I felt, all of the sudden, he was in love with this other girl and he could never cheat on her. I was thinking, what??? Why were you flirting with me and giving me all kinds of indications (he even asked me out) that you liked me and you're already involved but you don't tell me how deep it is until I want to pursue things further.
From that moment on, I've had my guard up. They're married now and I just hope she knows what a flirt her husband is. However, I don't concern myself with them anymore. I'm just a little more cautious because guys sure love to flirt and put it on you thick but actions sure speak louder than words.
Do I remember reading about you guys before?
Forgive me but are you both interacial? If not, then I must have you confused about someone else.
Anyway, I do applaud you. If he cannot make the first move on his own, then it is his loss. If you're being friendly with him enough and encouraging enough, then it sounds like he's making excuses.
If I'm not mistaking you for the interacial couple, then maybe his being hesitant is because of that.
At any rate, if he cannot make a first move and ask you out and you're sure that he's not married and there is no s/o then maybe he's not ready emotionally. Maybe there are other things holding him back that have nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.
Just be yourself and don't chase him or pursue him. If he comes around, great. If not, then move on and remember like you said, his loss.
Hey Liyahberry,
Yes, you are remembering correctly. I think that race may be a part of his hesitation, too. It's sometimes hard to accept, but yes, it is very possible that it may be an issue for him. I just don't see it that way, and when you're not really used to thinking in that frame of mind (like oh my God, he's white), then you can't really understand it, you know. At any rate, I am leaving it to fate. I think I've held out for such a long time already, that I can still hold out on doing anything about it. I've just noticed that he's been more flirty lately, you know more touchy. He didn't do that before. Sometimes I feel that I shouldn't let him get that close to me, if he's not going to do anything about it. It's like I am letting him get close to me, without ever acting on anything. I don't like that, because I am very shy, I don't let anyone get that close to me. I can talk to people (provided that they initiate the conversation), but I don't let guys get close like that to me. So, what I did do today, was back away a couple of times, and yes, he did notice, because he moved away from me when I did back away. So it would be safe to say that he is aware of his flirtation. Sometimes he's like leaning over me, and it's not appropriate, if he's not interested in dating. I just don't feel like letting him get close to me anymore. Women always seem to open themselves up, and guys can flirt and not think anything of it. I mean here I am wondering, and he may/may not even think about this. That's why I am getting to the point that I don't care. And I am always very good about getting over people. I tend to fall for people that only show interest, I never go after anyone that doesn't seem in to me. This is my Cancerian way on dealing!
Thanks for your advice Liyahbery,
Mysterious32
Pages