How Long Before I Make Contact?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2006
How Long Before I Make Contact?
3
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 1:31pm

I have posted this question on two other chats, because it actually can go anywhere, but I'm posting it here too......
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Hi All,

My question is this, how long should a woman wait before she makes phone contact with a man that she's not sure where things stand with? I have been seeing someone that I met online last January and our relationship was great for the first 6 mos. after that, they dwindled downhill, due to his insecurities....At any rate, throughout the remainder of the year, I was given alot of mixed signals from him; we used to speak everyday whether it was via email or phone and was dedicated to seeing each other every weekend, but he stopped calling and coming by ( we live an hour from each other)...the calls just became less frequently, maybe three times per mo. To end the year, he told me how there was more to life than love and he was simply taking things "slow" with us....NEVER did he mention breaking up or anything. Well this year brings a new year and I saw him again for the first time since December 3rd, on February 22nd. It was a beautiful time; he made contact with me and asked could he come by. He came by and we shared a nice evening ( no sex involved), but I wanted to see how he was doing and what he's been doing. Anyway, when he left that evening, he told me that he had every intention on coming back to see me and that we would do dinner and a movie followed by a great night of passion. Since then, I have not seen him; however, he's called on several occassions to say hello. The last time we spoke, he asked me did I have a date and I said no and said that I should have asked him that same ???...so he says to me " well, you didn't call me to make arrangements, so I guess I don't have a date"....It's like he will say something like this, but when I respond back to this kind of talk, he pulls away.

Now I haven't spoken to him since 3-18-06 and I'm like OK........I want to call him so bad to say hello, but I also don't want to look like the one that's chasing****

Your Thoughts????

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 11:05pm

I'm wondering about how you got to this point. During all the early courting stages, you make no mention of ever phoning him.....am I correct in assuming that you let him do ALL the chasing? If so, do you think he could have felt that you weren't pulling your weight in the relationship? Perhaps he got tired of chasing?

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2006
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 7:11am

Aisha, here's what happened early on:

In January when we met, everything was great; he called, I called and we always saw each other every weekend. Well that went on for quite some time! Everything was good. In the month of April towards the end, I asked him where did we stand and he told me that " we were more than friends BUT not exclusive yet".....so I took that for what it was and left my dating options open, because he has now told me that we have an open dating situation. Well, I guess he realized what he said and how stupid it was after we've done everything under the sun together as a couple, and he came back about 2 weeks later and told me that " he loved me".....I didn't acknowledge that one way or the other and he got pissed. I went on dates with others and he found out about it and that's what started this battle. From that point, things were just OK up until July, and that's when things started going downhill. He told me that I wasn't listening to him and he expressed his feelings to me and I blew him off; well, I went to him asking about "us" and he tells me something crazy so why now do you say you love me...he could have said that then...At any rate, the calls became less and less and I wouldn't see him for weeks on end.

He has NEVER came out to say that he wanted this to be over and done with, and I think now he's testing my patience to see how much can I endure, because when he came to see me, it had been 2 and a half months, but he was trying to make phone contact periodically. When we finally saw each other again, it was beautiful...he couldn't keep his hands off me and that's when he told me that he would definitely be seeing me again and we would do dinner and the whole nine. When I would call him, I would ask about the weekend and time for us, but he'd always have something to do....( I think he was lying just to make me feel bad).....He told me in December that " I'm always talking about being in love and relationships and that there's more to life than love; he said that we never talked anymore about our day or our families or anything and that bothered him a great deal." So his words to me after he said this was that " He's taking things very SLOW with us and proceeding with caution".......

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 3:02pm

Oh dear, I'm so out of my depth in trying to help you LOL

I'm an Aussie and we don't date more than one person at a time - we tend to be exclusive from the outset. Anyway, because of my background, I can't put myself in your shoes.

Hopefully someone else can give you some wise advice :-)

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace