How Often Do You Argue?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2007
How Often Do You Argue?
3
Thu, 11-12-2009 - 9:58am

How often in your relationship do you guys argue, whether it be petty things that last twenty minutes or something big that may last longer? How long have you been together as well?


Seems to me like in my relationship of now fours years we argue more than ever. We can't go a week without some kind of argument, whether it be petty or something huge. I know that with two people their will be differences and difference of opinion but I thought all the conflict would die down as the relationship went on. We never really argued within the first two years then after

~*The One and Only *Kiya*~

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thu, 11-12-2009 - 10:27am

To answer your question. I've been with my fiance now for over a year now, and we hardly ever argue...although I know it will be coming down the road. I think a lot of that has to do with our personalities and the fact that we are at the same point in life (i.e. got the house, have the career, ready to get married and have kids). We are both very laid back, quiet and easy going people, which is such a joy to have.

In my early twenties I've had BF's that were the exact opposite, and those who in the beginning things were great but then after a few years our values changed. So I understand where you are coming from. It sounds like from what you are saying that you are seeing or hearing things that you don't like from his end. Whether it be him not calling, or suspicious activity from him.

It sounds like maybe you two need to reevaluate the relationship. You are right in that people's values change over a few years of being together. For you, I would recommend that you think about where you want this RL to go, and where you see it in the future. If you have a hard time answering those questions then things may be coming to the end of the line. If you still see yourself with him, but want the arguing to stop, then you need to sit down and ask him the same questions you asked yourself, and if he can't answer them, then you have your answer. Only when he's not on the same page as you, then you should take those answers and know he needs to get "off the train".

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2009
Sun, 11-15-2009 - 9:52pm

Your relationship sounds exactly like the one with my ex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Fri, 11-27-2009 - 12:44pm

My bf and I have been together for just over 4 months,we have what he likes to call minor disagreements...sometimes I feel like we have them a little to much given how long we've been together but when we do have one it lasts no longer than a half hour on average and its always over something stupid....literally! We have yet to have an actual argument.He himself has told me he hates fights,especially with a girlfriend,he doesn't like getting into yelling matches and intense situations.Whenever we have a disagreement he lets me say my side and he says his side and then we just sort it out.


As for your situation with your bf it is quite possible you are both becoming different people,4 yrs is a fairly long time to be with someone,and over the years you both are going to grow and change.Its possible now you two are going in different directions.The last person I was with we were together for 4 yrs,although looking back we really didn't argue....however for bad reasons,we both were doormats for the other person,i let him walk all over me and he let me walk all over him.We literally never argued.Try talking to your bf about how this bothers you,and why you think you two are arguing so much,see what he has to say.

Hollie

Hollie