how soon did you know it was right?
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how soon did you know it was right?
| Mon, 11-14-2005 - 12:59am |
To those of you who know that they have found the right one or have been with the right one for awhile......How soon into dating did you know that this person was right for you? I may be crazy since I've had several failed r'ships in the past and I told myself I would be really careful this time around....I met a man about a month ago at a singles party and unfortunately he's in the navy and had to leave for 3 weeks after the first time we met. We hit it off instantaneously so he called me the next day and made it a point to keep in touch via email and phone calls on the ship. As soon as he got back we went on our first date which was Thursday. He took me to a really nice restaurant and we had a great time and then we talked on the phone a couple of times and today hung out for the afternoon and evening at his place and he cooked me a nice dinner. He's so easy to be around with that I feel like I've known him for a long time now and we mesh really well together so far and the only reservation I have is the fact that he's in the navy and will be gone for several months next year and will consistently be leaving here and there for short trips during the year. Other than that he's been wonderful and I really like him a lot. I know it's way too early to tell and I have to give it more time but I'm starting to get those feelings like you know that it's right. I know that him being gone is something I'm going to have to think about, but this just feels really right to me at the moment and that feeling seems to be pretty strong. How many of you have felt that feeling of "just knowing" so early on into dating. Maybe I'm just crazy and too hopeful since I've had so many r'ships go wrong, dating the wrong men and the works all of my life that I can't distinguish between wrong and right but it certainly feels really right at least now.

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Hello,
I just read your post and it reminds me of the first guy I was engaged to 13yrs ago. He was in the Navy. We had met a few days before he was being shipped to Hawaii. The night before he left we decided to give a LONG distance relationship a shot. We spent alot of time on the phone and writing letters to each other. And this is how we got to know each other. Then when he came home for his brother's and my H.S. graduation we spent a lot of time together. I knew then that I was in love with him. Unfortantly we never married but after all this time we have remained great friends. And we still have a connection that one can explain.
You can know when its right early in the relationship. I am currently dating a guy that I have been friends with for two years. I knew within a couple of wks that this was right. And two nights ago I found out he felt the same way. I said "I Love you" and he responded back with "I love you, too." And we've been in this for a month today. But we both know that it is right.
Follow your heart. When you know it's right, its right. Good luck to you.
The only time I "just knew" (a few years ago) that it was right, I was OH so wrong, LOL! It's frightening looking back actually...I was so sure that "this is what people mean when they say you just know".
With my ex-husband, OTOH, I didn't feel "sure" right away, but I did feel that there was good potential from the start (we were together for 10 years).
Because of my bad experience with "just knowing" and being wrong, I will probably be a little skeptical if I feel it again. "Time will tell" is my current motto.
Sheri
Well, of course he's right for you....Michele said so :P
Just wanted to give you a good laugh.
I'm with Sheri on this one. I knew....almost the moment we talked on the phone. I knew the moment I saw him. We had a connection liek I will never experience again in my life. However, I won't experience him in my life ever again. I married the "I know" within a month of meeting him. (bad move, I know). But I will never regret what we did, and yes, to this day, we still have that connection. That is why we stay FAR AWAY from each other and NEVER talk on the phone, and RARELY IM each other....it's too strong...but we're not meant to be.
Sheri, I like your "time will only tell" bit. That's how I am now. Everything else, is just my hormones talking. lol.
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I'd go with that. It's how "now" feels. Stay concious in the relatioship so that you're not missing something and blinded by the bright light of love. It's an amazing thing that those feelings can exist, it really is but you have to make sure you're going down the same road. Or, at the very least, a road that can merge together often enough to make a real relationship. That part takes time.
"Just know" feelings can go either way in the beginning. I have a good friend who is having those feeligns for a guy she met out with friends one night. She started having them after they'd bene on about two dates and had been talking for about a month. Maybe even sooner.
I started having those feelings for my husband after about 4-6 weeks and about 6-8 dates.
I'll tell you the same thing I told her and the same thing I did. Try to reign in your feelings and stay catiously optimistic. Feleing sure and comfortable is greta but it can be misleading. Make sure you're falling for the man he really is by getting to know him better before passing judgement.
My theory is the more you get to know him and the more time you spend with him the MORE sure it will make you feel. At least that's how it was for me. Of course, we were able to spend a lot of time together those first few months and we handled some pretty touchy issues during that time. Every time we faced soemthing or talked about something that made us uncomfortable I just became more and more sure he was the right guy.
So keep testing the waters and see if it still feels good after you've touched on a few hot button issues. It's easy to feel wonderful and comfortable if you've never pushed your limits and you've intentionally stayed in the early dating stage comfort zone.
As for dating military guys... you may want to check out the military wives and girlfriends websites to get a peak at what life with a military man can be like. My husband was just discharged from the Army Reserve because of base closings in our area. He's trying to get back in, which may mean active duty and will definitely mean him being gone for about two months for training.
Moving and missing him are part of day to day life for wives/gfs of active duty military. My SIL's husband is career Air Force. They have FIVE girls. They just moved to Florida from the Azores. Now they're finding out that in six months she'll be on her own with the girls. It's just not a life everypne can handle. Moving every couple of years , more or less being a single parent a lot and as a wife you are often expected to help other wives the higher rank your spouse is.
Consider carefully before getting too attached. Because for men who WANT to be career military it's a part of who they are, part of their identity. It just plain isn't fair to start telling them you want them to get out for you after you get serious or worse get married. Same goes for cops, firefighters, etc.
You've got to be prepared to go the distance.
This was one of those first touchy subjects Pete and I hit on in those first few months. He wanted to know I could handle being with a man who could get called up any minute. I can but I could never be a firefighter's wife and I'm glad Pete is air assualt. Shorter deployments and he's only sent in if "someone needs killin'". He doesn't go in for police duty or babysitting other countries. Believe it or not what he does is a LOT less dangerous then what the guys that pull guard duty do. Also, I know that chances are if he doesn't come home at least it was probably fast and he never saw it coming. I much prefer that to thinking of him being taken captive because he wasn't "allowed" to fire on someone or trapped in a burning building.
See, lots of stuff to think about... It isn't funny and it wont make you feel good or comfortable, but that's reality.
I've been with my husband for 13 years now.
When we first met, he seemed 'perfect'. But I knew that nobody is perfect, so I held back from believing he was the one for me. What set it in stone was when I could see his imperfections - but knew that I could easily live with them.
I think it took about 4 months of seeing each other frequently. At about the same time, I moved in with him and we combined bank accounts. And it's been wonderful ever since.
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