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| Tue, 04-18-2006 - 12:02am |
guess i put this in the wrong spot,
people always say you know he's the one cuz you just do. what a horrible explaination! every time i thought i was in love before i would just say, "oh yeah i know cuz i just know it!" it was quite easy to convince myself. but now i kinda think (and i have learned that you never really know anything for sure...) that I am pretty sure about this one. here's how I KNOW that I know....
It's like there's a checklist in your brain that has always been there.. and its completely checked off in your brain when it happens. your brain knows it before you realize it.
- its not so much butterflies, bliss and passion as it is appreciation, acceptance, and patience.
- "problems" or fights are more like bad days.
- you feel no rush, like you have all the time in the world.
- you understand nobodys perfect, and you learned to distinguish what flaws are tolerable from him, and what is unacceptable and you tell him so.
- you are always on his side, and he is on yours. even when you fight, later on you are always sorry even when it is not your fault. and he is too, even when its not his.
- hes the one you daydream about.
- kinda like a really great job... it's not always easy, its not always fantastic, but you know in your heart its the very best thing for you and what youve always wanted. you know its what will make you happy.
- you really don't have much to complain about him.
- he doenst necessarily "complete" you, but complements (not like he says nice things to you... but thats nice too) you.... where you fall short, he is strong. and where he falls sort you are strong as well.
- you just get along happily and well MOST of the time (like 6 out of 7 days, or 9 out of 10 hours of the day)
- you have similar values and beliefs.
and for some reason this one the most easily confused....
- you never question it.
because actually, you will always question it, no matter what. if youre smart, anyway. but if its right, you think that questioning it is silly. its like questioning suicide. besides, even if you do break up, its still like he will still be there beside you in that soul universe thing, being "the one"... without you... what would you guys do? separation makes ne sense. its like peanut butter without jelly. the thing is im sure that most all couples feel this way too...
if its not, then you just can't decide. do not let this fool you though smart ladies.... its easy to fool yourself. if you are asking yourself this question, ask yourself.... "what if he stays like this forever?" can you handle it?

Great post!!!!!
I totally agree with everything.
With my husband even when we were going through some rough patches in the begining it just never felt right to not be with him. It always just felt like, "It's okay. WE'LL get through this." I haven't felt alone or on my own since we said our first "I love you"s. We became partners almost immediately and completely instinctively.
I think that is now one fo the defining characteristics of finding a good match. Do you feel lonely? Do you feel like you're all on your own still? In my mind when you're with the right person and when you've learned how to be the right partner yourself things get easier becasue you know you aren't on your own any more.
This is a poem I had read at my wedding, I think the last verse is probably the most important.
The Art of Marriage
By: Wilferd Peterson
The little things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say, “I love you” at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is at no time taking the other for granted;
the courtship should not end with the honeymoon,
it should continue through all the years.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together facing the world.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is doing things for each other,
not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice,
but in the spirit of joy.
It is speaking words of appreciation,
and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo
or the wife to have the wings of an angel.
It is not looking for perfection in each other.
It is cultivating flexibility, patience,
understanding and a sense of humor.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere
in which each can grow.
It is finding room for the things of the Spirit.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is establishing a relationship in which
the independence is equal, dependence is mutual,
and the obligation is reciprocal.
It is not only marrying the right partner,
it is BEING the right partner.
This is “The Art of Marriage”
bookiebomm...
Pianoguy isn't a "smart lady"------but if you have no objections to a man's point of view, here it comes:
ALL OF US GO THROUGH CHANGES: Emotional, Physical, Intellectual and (if you're religious) sometimes spiritual! Change is good because it keeps most of us from getting bored with the 'same old routine!'
The special man or woman you feel you want to share your life with can always BE SPECIAL, providing you're willing to ACCEPT THE FLAWS that come with PERKS! Some couples can do this without batting an eyelash....others look at every incident (major or minor) as a crisis!!! And usually...it's the latter group that files for divorce within their 1st 5 years of marriage!
I think the ultimatum question each of us has to ask ourselves is: "Am I happier with the partner I've chosen....or would I be more content to be on my own?" There's no right or wrong answer because everybody's needs are different. .
Does this mean I'm convinced there's no special lady out there for me? NOT NECESSARILY! The two of us just haven't met yet. But until we do...I have to look at the current elements in my life right now. The ones that seem to work I'll keep....the ones that aren't, I'll try to change a little?
If you are expecting 100% perfection in anybody---or for others to respond exactly the way you expect them to---you'll probably be very disappointed? Even the most predicatable person will 'toss you a curve ball' every now and then!!!
Pianoguy
Thanks for posting this, bookie. So often on the boards, it's just problems and advice to those problems ... it's great to see a proactive positive post every now and then. :)
As for << if you are asking yourself this question, ask yourself.... "what if he stays like this forever?" can you handle it? >>
Ah, so true! It's so important to remember that no one is perfect ... not him, not you ... everyone has their flaws and quirks ... but, can you accept those things?
Acceptance of the "flaws" and appreciation of the attributes are so important ... balancing the two and not just focusing on the "not so great things" ... too often, we tend to focus on those things that we don't like ... that the things we DO like and appreciate get taken for granted. Ladies, don't ever take those things for granted ... remember and appreciate what you love! It makes the flaws so much easier to handle when you take an "attitude of gratitude."
well actually what you are saying was the point of my whole post. dont wanna sound rude, but did you even read it?
either way, youre right too.
bookiebomm...
Pianoguy reads ALL THE POSTS before responding to any of them.
But I wanted to clarify the fact that I'm not a lady. I'm a MAN!
You addressed 'ladies' specifically in your last sentence or two....and I know I'd "flunk" the physical!
Pianoguy