Huge Mistake....I feel guilty
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| Fri, 05-06-2005 - 5:28pm |
Hi everyone,
For anyone who has read some of my posts about my continuing saga with my brothers best friend, I have an update.
I was completely ready to put it behind me and move on with knowing it was/could never happen and I was really becoming ok with the idea but last night I did something soooo stupid! It was cinco de may and things were rowdy and me and the friend were flirting BIG time cuz my brother disappeared for the night, so we werent sensored. Ne ways one thing led to another, mixed with WAYYY too much alcohol and we disappeared together and hooked up AGAIN. It was really stupid on both of our parts, esp mine cuz I just promised myself I was through with it. But its the alcohol that causes me to not think logically, and think in the moment. Now we were SOOO close to getting caught and through some expert scheming are in the clear this time, but I feel REALLY guilty I did this and I am now back to where I was 5 months ago after the last hook up and even more confused, my brother is gonna kill me and probably amputate body parts from the friend if he ever finds out........I am kind of a mess over it today (not getting caught really makes the guilt stronger). I duno what to do, I feel like 5 months of work to scrap the past mistakes are completely thrown away. I just needed to vent!! But if anyone has kind words, Im all ears!

Hi Jenna,
I've read a few of your posts (my intial take was you should talk to your brother about the limitations he's putting you on and whether or not he's being honest with you about this guy ... and talk to the guy about how you feel about him).
As for kind or reassuring words, just know that guilt is fear. And, guilt is just a feeling. But, until that feeling is dealt with and replaced with another, you'll only feel guilty. And, you feel guilty because you feel like you've done something wrong and you're afraid of confronting it. BUT ... until you confront the guilt or the fear, you'll only be putting yourself in this cycle again. :(
Anyway, be true to yourself. I don't think your brother is in the right by putting this restriction on you. Placing "rules" on other adults is taking away a piece of their free will. You and this other guy are adults. Free to make your own decisions. You shouldn't be limited by his "rule" that you can't see each other. Anyway, that's just my .02.
The only other suggestion I can make is ... if you don't want what happened last night to happen again, see to it that you don't put yourself in that type of position again. If your brother leaves or if you find yourself alone with the guy, make a point of it to leave as well. At least this way, your limiting the situation on YOUR terms not his.
Jenna,
Don't feel guilty or bad. It was what you needed at the time and that is all. You were able to stay away from him for 5 MONTHS!!!! WOW that is amazing. Be good to yourself and don't beat yourself up.....we all do things that are not in our best interest at the time but it was what we needed for some reason.
Donna