I am so stupid

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
I am so stupid
7
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 9:51am

Seriously... How stupid can someone be?
I started dating my BF 3 months ago. This was our first V-Day. He's told me stories about how he was romantic with his ex-wife etc so I figured I would at least get a happy v-day or some flowers... NOTHING. He emailed me in the morning askin me to do something... no HVD. I emailed him back and said it... no reply... I sent him an e-card... nothing. He comes over... I CALL him and say it he actually says it back. He comes over so we can go to dinner... no flowers, NOTHING. I give him his gift... Now I feel like a schmuck.

How could I have been so stupid. He doesn't like me. I should have seen it before. We had a talk after a month of being together and he said he cared about me but at that point no more than a friend. Well eventhough I thought that had changed I guess it hasn't. If a guy doesnt want to celebrate vday with you I guess thats his way of saying "look I'm not that into you". I asked him this morning to just say "I like you" and he did. Big whoop.

Now I just dont know what to do. I guess either break up with him or be his FWB. How can someone hurt someone else like that on VDAY? He knew I thought of VDAY as a big holiday. I guess he didn't want to give me flowers and have me think that he actually likes me.

Well thats my little rant for the day... I had to let it out because I'm so emotional over this right now.

Thanks for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 11:08am

Don't waste your time on this guy! That line of "he said he cared about me but at that point no more than a friend"...my dear he's not a BF... he's not that in to you! He's just using you as a **ck buddy. If he really cared about you, he would bring SOMETHING....

And why the hell would you want to be a FwB, I mean come on... this guy is a looser!

You should stop guessing and start realizing, sorry but sometimes men are ***holes. For all you know he still could be romancing his ex-wife.

Time to move on...good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 1:36pm

Hey Girl...

My suggestion..Go read my post from yesterday "New Relationship & V-Day"....I was curious too etc...Now, I see you have 3 months with your B/F & I only have 6 weeks...BUT, I thought maybe my guy wasn't "that into me" when I didn't get anything either...because I figured....he & I established a relationship (again only 6 weeks) but....I also started going through some tough family issues (my mom has cancer again)and told him just 4 weeks into our relationship....we had dinner & I gave him the chance to "walk" if he wanted instead of having to deal with my big black cloud of bad news, my hard times, and he said he wanted to keep seeing me & be there for me, and that he really "liked me"....yet, V-Day...he is away on business & nothing came for me either. BUT, I did get a text message from hims saying HVD....but I also sent him an e-card - he got it -he didn't acknowledge it though? Hmmm? Anyway, what concerns me about you is the "I like you like a friend" thing? ALso, if he KNEW V-Day was something you were really INTO, than maybe he should've done "something"-anything? Did you pull any attitude when he called to ask you out for V-Day....maybe if he sensed it, or realized (after the 3rd HVD wish) that you were "Expecting" something? Maybe he was turned off by it-scared off by it? Maybe he is ready for a Girlfriend (or close to getting to that) but not ready to declare FEELINGS like that? I guess I asked myself was my man "not that into me either" when he didn't send me anything ...but...it comes in time I guess...maybe we don't know enough about these men yet? I would take it easy & not get that upset over it. I will be giving my B/F a gift on friday night when he comes back from business...and I won't feel like a schmuck if he has nothing for me (the other person should feel like the schmuck-not you) I like to be "The Giver" & to surprise people....but I also wouldn't mind being surprised--maybe just alittle??? The V-Day dilemma is over now...lets see what happens now? Good Luck-Sweetie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 1:53pm
Thank you for the reply. Out of the dozen or so I got from various boards yours was the most supportive I'd say. I dont want to break up with him and I know that he's not an ***hole and that he does have some feelings for me. Other boards said he probably didnt and to walk basically.
Now I am concerned about appearing needy and frantic and losing him because I could have appeared that way. And for giving him all those gifts.... I dont know.
I want to know exactly how he feels NOW but I'm afraid of the answer. He's the type that thinks I should just KNOW but I don't. We act like BF and GF...
I just dont know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 2:06pm
Why do you think that only after 3 mos that you should have this big grand VDay with him? VDay is suppose to be of love, if he doesn't love you then why do something, atleast that is how I think of it. You just started dating and you are expecting flowers and stuff, does he even care for VDay or does he think it is to commercial and would rather do something on his time? Don't be so down this is a new relationship and to me to soon to think "oh he doesn't care because he didn't do anything for me". That is being very selfish and self centered to only take in account how you felt and not think of what he was thinking or asking him why.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 3:21pm
As I just went to reply to you...I thought I should take my own advice...I was gonna say to you...If the BIG V-Day (that defines how someone feels with Flowers & Candy) hadn't just passed us both....would we feel we NEEDED to have our feelings defined by the man we are with? Or would we simply just be going along, enjoying eachother & letting it grow? I think you should just try to let it continue to grow (like I will do too) and lets hope that it goes where we want it too..in the meantime we should put our thoughts about the flowerless, candyless V-Day pass & hope it WON'T define our Destiny with these men? Oh Believe me you...I'm TEMPTED to ask him if he's happy with me too & our relationship so far together.....just to see if he asks why I ASK...let him sweat it out some, why should we? LOL BUT..I WILL SAY ONE LAST THING....IF by chance this relationship of mine should not work out....I will be SURE to tell him (as I'm leaving him) how bad V-Day with him was & how he made me feel like CRAP when all my g/f's asked if & what the New Boyfriend did....and I said "He did NOTHING"...sh*t, I wanted to brag a LITTLE you know! LOLOLOL ROFLMAO Cheers, Sweetie
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 3:29pm
I do hope you all realize that was all said with a lot of humor...LOL...Sweetie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 3:45pm

I haven't read the other posts so if I repeat something already said I appologise.

I'm so sorry this life lesson has to be learned the heartbreaking way. I know you really didn't ask for advice, and were venting out your frustration, but I'd like to offer some advice anyway to hopefully give you some peace of mind or clarification or whatnot. As I'm sure a dozen people can tell you, I'm not good with sugar coating it, I'm a brutal honesty kinda girl, but in light of your hearthurt I'll be as gentle with it as I can.

"How could I have been so stupid"

Because you *wanted* to see something bad enough that just wasn't there.

"I should have seen it before. We had a talk after a month of being together and he said he cared about me but at that point no more than a friend."

You did see it, he told it to you straight. But it goes back to you wanting to see something more, so badly that your desire tricked your heart and brain into seeing it. Sort of like a mirage in the desert.

"If a guy doesnt want to celebrate vday with you I guess thats his way of saying "look I'm not that into you"."

That's not true. Many people don't celebrate Vday (hand raised). It doesn't say anything about the person being into the other. What says "look I'm not that into you" is when he knows that you *do* celebrate it and he doesn't care and disregards the fact that there are two people in the relationship and your feelings matter too.

"I guess either break up with him or be his FWB."

You would/could do that!? Keep giving it up to a guy who has no intentions of giving anything back to you? You could use your body as a funride, and allow your body to be used that way? Good Lord you're not a Tilt-a-Whirl, you're a human being with feelings and emotions and you deserve being more than just somewhere a guy puts it because you just happen to feel a moment of sexual gratification out of it.

"How can someone hurt someone else like that on VDAY?"

There is way too much stock put into Vday. That question begs to differ that if he disregarded and put aside your feelings and something you thought was special on any other day that it'd be okay. It's like "treat me as though my feelings and desires aren't important to you on February 13th, but boy don't you dare to it on February 14th. February 15th you can go back to your selfishness, but not on the 14th!". It just doesn't make sense to me. Just like not celebrating Vday shouldn't null and void all the romantic thoughtfulness the other 364 days a year, celebrating Vday shouldn't null and void selfish thoughtLESSness the other 364 days.

Do you see what I'm getting at here? The point isn't Vday. The point is that he knew something was special and a big deal to you, and if he were really that into you he wouldn't have dismissed it so cavalierly.