I don't know what to do!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
I don't know what to do!
1
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 12:41pm

Okay, I am in a dilemma here and I don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now. We've broken up twice during that time. Once a year ago and once about four months ago. We can't seem to let each other go because although we have little problems here and there, we have never stopped loving each other. He is my best friend and I am his. That's why its hard not to be together. He is also my first real love. (I'm 22). Our relationship is going great. I think in his mind we could easily get married some day. My problem is the fact that I could never marry my first love. I would have doubts as to if he was the one or if I wasn't strong enough to let him go to see what else was out there before settling down. I have to date other people, or at least another person, that's just me. Who knows, he may be the one, I just have to make sure first. It's not that I want to just date around and enjoy the single life, I've been single for the majority of my life. I've had my fill of that. I just want to find my future husband, rather its my current boyfriend, or someone else.

Okay here's my problem. I met this guy two years ago one night and we hit it off right away. He was amazing. He was also British and living in England at the time. He was in the US visiting a friend. After he left we talked on AOL instant messenger for months almost every day. We both knew that if we lived around each other we would have dated. Eventually we stopped talking and I met my current boyfriend.

About a month ago he sent me an e mail out of the blue that he would be back in my area soon. His friend was getting married here. I saw him while he was here twice. We didn't get to talk a whole lot but we had a blast together. All of the feelings I had for him came back. I know he has feelings for me but the distance thing is still there. Well he's going to be back in the US coaching soccer for six months not too far away from me. So he wants to see me again and I want to see him too but I have a boyfriend! That would be wrong.

My feeling about my boyfriend was always that when it was time to move on and experience love with someone else I would know when the time was right. I always thought it would feel like it was time. I know that if we were ever to break up and stay broken up this summer would be the best time for it because he has moved back home for the summer so he's about an hour away. It would be harder to see each other then. We have the same group of friends, so while he's here we always run into each other, on accident and on purpose. That doesn't make it too easy to get over one another. Which is why we always get back together. I just don't know if I'm ready to end it yet. It scares me but I know that the longer I wait, the harder it will be. It's hard to end a relationship for this reason. If we weren't working, it would be different. He knows how I feel about seeing other people some day. But I know it would break his heart.

The issue with the English guy is forcing me to make a desicion one way or the other. I will be in his area in two months and I know we'll see each other. I have tickets for a soccer game and I think he wants to go with me. Basically I don't know what to do here. I guess I'm afraid if I break up with my boyfriend and this English guy turns out to be a bad idea, I'm left with nothing but a broken heart.

On the other hand, what if the English guy is the one? I'll never know unless I give it a try. His friend moved here from England to get married so I guess in my mind maybe that could happen with him too, moving here I mean. Plus I've always wanted to see England. I need some advice here. I just don't know what to do. But I have to make a choice, I can't have both.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2005
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 2:49pm
I think your motives for breaking up with your BF are selfish. Don't get me wrong, selfish is not necessarily a bad thing. However, your BF may not think so under the circumstances. You can't expect him to be in limbo while you try out your feelings on the English guy. You have to be completely honest with your current BF, because you can't be so selfish that you leave him believing there isn't someone else in the picture. Be prepared to find yourself alone if the romance with the English guy doesn't work out. Those are the chances you take in life unless you just want the easy safe existence, which it certainly sounds like you don't. You have to follow your gut on this one, because there is no perfect solution. Good luck.