I feel like a fool

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2004
I feel like a fool
12
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 1:12pm

I met this guy online, he contacted. Fireworks right from the start. He would call me or IM me every day and saw each other on Fridays for the last 3 weeks. I fell hard. Then he tells me he has feelings for another girl but he's not sure. She is a player and is seeing someone else. That I should date other people. I feel like an idiot.

:(

The Uniconrn

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 1:39pm

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I know you've gotten advice on taking things SLOWLY and taking everything with a HUGE grain of salt for the first 4-6 months, but sometimes you have to learn the lesson by doing, not hearing, ya know? We've all been there, so don't feel like a fool.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 2:05pm

Hugs. Don't be so hard on yourself. Hey, it's better that you know now that this guy likes the chase, versus the real thing. Let him go, don't EVEN THINK ABOUT letting him back into your life, and pick yoursefl up, dust off, and try try again.


We all fall for the wrong ppl sometimes...you're no exception, so dno't feel stupid. You're not a fool. Otherwise, we ALL are.






my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 3:49pm

Hang in there. We've all been there and understand how you feel. Try looking at it from this point of view -- he did you a favor. If nothing else, at least he was up front in telling you he was interested in someone else and suggesting that you date others. Conversely, he could've strung you along and then ended it if/when she becomes available. In the meantime, you could've invested more time, energy and effort into developing a relationship with him, only to end up feeling even more pain and rejection than you do now.

Three weeks isn't much in the process of really getting to know someone. Learn what you can from this and take things slower with the next guy.

Take care,
Heymum

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2004
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 5:12pm
You're not a fool. We've ALL been there...and some of us have been there more times than we care to admit!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2004
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 5:16pm

I don't know how to take it slow with a guy. I need some suggestions. I can't even take life slow. I even told my counselor I was going to change my name to Spaz cat. I'm trying to get this called don't let your emotions run your life but of course it's been overdue since last year.

Thanks again, I just feel low, still out of work and had heavy duty dental work and still in pain.

The Unicorn

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2004
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 5:18pm

Thanks again. If anyone wants to chat you can look me up. I'm snowghost45@yahoo.com

Uni

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 6:07pm

Uni,


All I can say is this....."slow down or die". You konw, I'm not a HUGE believer in horoscopes and astrology. I read it for fun and entertainment. but when EVERY SINGLE one tells me just those words, well in a nicer way, I realized, my gawd, I am living life like I'm about to die tomorrow and I have to do everything NOW NOW NOW!!!


How to slow it down. Dont' have sex for 3 months. No intimate contact for at least 2. Even if you feel yourself falling for him, make sure you spread out your time with him. Dont' dream about him all day. Don't fantasize about your future together. Live in the hear and now. Keep reminding yourself, no matter how much you talk on the phone, you still "don't know each other".


That's what I did. I had to remind myself I was living in a dream world that *I* was creating. I learned to go with the flow. I learned to slow things down and truly LIKE the person as a friend, before a bf. I learned that even if I wanted to attack him physically, jumping into bed does NOT help things move along smoothly. I learned..........moving fast wasn't worth the amount of pain I endure. Because, the faster I move, the faster I burn out, the faster I have more and more heartaches.


Hugs.






my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2004
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 6:14pm

Oh, Cher thanks so much. I'm going to save your post. I did try and take it easy. I never chased him I let him pursue me. I'm done with truck drivers LOL. I'm feeling better.

Hugs!

Uni

What has happened to Nick? I can't get her on yahoo and it's almost been a week and I'm getting worried.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 7:26pm

Great suggestions! I would add something along the lines of, every time you start to fantasize about him and how great he is, STOP yourself, and say, "he SEEMS great, but it's early yet. Time will tell." That helps me.

Sheri

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 7:28pm

Oh, just to add, YOU have to set the pace! Even if he wants to go faster, take the responsibility for yourself, and slow it down.

Sheri

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