i have dug myself into a hole...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2005
i have dug myself into a hole...
2
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 2:55am
Ok, so I'm in my freshman year of college. I just started this fall. Everything's been going great. I even met a guy, Jordan. Well... Jordan and I sorta jumped WAY too fast into a relationship, before even getting to know each other, and now after a week, I'm seriously regretting my decision to date him. He's a really sweet guy and everything, but I'm finding as every day goes by, that I like him as more of just a friend. I feel horrible but I dont think I can keep lying to him like this. I want to be free and single right now too, so that I can do whatever I want, when I want, and not feel guilty about it. Jordan and I have a lot of mutual friends. I met him through one of my girl friends. If I break up with Jordan, I dont want to lose all those other friends that i made by making them upset with me about hurting Jordan. Everyone keeps saying that they dont think he'll get too hurt, because we've only been dating for a week. But Jordan is really sensitive and clingy. The relationship moved way too fast in the beginning and so we've done some things together (sexually) that I dont normally do with a guy until I've dated him for a while. This is why I think I'll hurt him. :( I dont want to lose his friendship either. I want to still be able to hang out with him and his friends. :( But what if they get mad at me for hurting their Jordan's heart!? Ugh I just dont know what to do. I'm so lost and confused and being eaten away by this. :( If anyone has any advice for me, I'd greatly GREATLY appreciate it. Thank you!!!
-kenzilee
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 12:25pm

kenzilee1186...

Pianoguy thinks this comes down to a choice of 'bursting Jordan's bubble' (a.k.a. his INTEREST IN YOU) or committing yourself to someone you'd like to have 'just as a friend?'

Problem is....you jumped the "getting to know you" phase of your relationship a little too quickly?

Can you sit Jordan down over a quiet supper---without a lot of distractions---and talk to him about your true feelings? Depending upon how calm and sincere your approach and words are, Jordan might accept them better than you can imagine?

Then again...you might really tick him off???

Keep in mind that NOBODY (male or female) likes to be rejected by any person they're comfortable with? But sometimes...clarity can soften the blow? Your rejection of Jordan might not be so overwhelming if you explain that your 'physical desire' was the result of being caught up in the moment.

!

How others will react once they learn that Jordan and You have suddenly become 'just friends' is a tough one? BUT...you can ONLY BE YOURSELF! If the people you associate with CAN'T ACCEPT YOU for the person you are...that's their problem!

One final thought...I'll bet your first year of college is probably more interesting than you expected it to be? :)

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 7:51am
I totally agree with PG. Just break it to him as gently as you can and let him know that you like him as a person adn just let your physcial attraction get a little carried away and that what you really need right now is to be single. That you fear you might regret spending your college years with just one person.